The Monster in the Sky. Klance AU

Chapter 37: Death is not an Option

Lance was sat at his laptop, watching a YouTube video that his favourite YouTuber (Jacksepticeye) had just uploaded when someone knocked on his door. He glanced up and called out for the person to invite themselves in. The last person he expected- James- walked into his room, smiling rather bashfully. "Can... Can you do me a favour?" James's voice was shaking but Lance couldn't comprehend any possible reasons James had for feeling nervous.

Closing his laptop and turning to face James on his swivel chair, Lance said, "Sure."

"The other day, when we were at the aquarium," James started to scratch at the back of his neck but clearly didn't know what to do with his hands as, the next moment, he was shoving them into his pockets. Lance was observant enough to have already noticed how much they were quivering and, the last time he checked, James didn't have a tremor. "You said you had ADHD..."

Lance nodded but stopped himself as his mind leaped to a conclusion. It didn't take a genius to find the link between ADHD and adderall. "James... no..."

"Lance, please... my exam was rescheduled to next week and I need- I need something. Just a few, that's all. I won't take them again after this, I swear. Keith doesn't even need to know."

"I think I should call him..." Lance reached out for his phone that was sitting on his desk but, before he could even graze it with his hand, James had launched himself forward and grabbed Lance's wrist. He was breathing heavily and his eyes were full of desperation. The grip James had on Lance's wrist was so tight that, for a second, Lance was worried that it was going to bruise or leave a mark.

"No, no, don't please. Come on, Lance, just one pill. What about that? It's all I need." Lance's mouth fell open but he quickly shut it again. "No one needs to know... Just- Just one." When Lance shook his head, he realised James was on the verge of hyperventilating. Tears were pricking in his eyes as his entire body trembled. "I can't sleep, I feel sick all of the time, I'm a burden to Keith... It'll stop with a pill. That's all."

"James... Can I ask you something?"

James's head jerked up as a nod that was borderline frantic. It was as if he was regarding the question as his only hope; as if answering it would cause all of his problems to dissipate.

"When we went to the aquarium," The beginning of the question can't have been what James expected because his face scrunched up and he suddenly developed an expression that screamed 'I want to disappear!' "Did you take any pills?" James's flinch made his answer obvious but Lance didn't want to push it too hard and irritate James any further.

"It was my last one, okay? I needed it or I wouldn't have made it through the day. I was half asleep and I'm sick and tired of- of being tired! I can't live like this." James hunched over and wrapped his arms around himself as tears began to escape his eyes. He let out a choked sob that rang through the room. It was loud enough to make Lance instinctively stand up and pull James into a hug.

"Relapsing is a natural step involved in getting better," Lance whispered, going silent for a second as James shifted his position to get more comfortable within the embrace. "But please talk to someone when the withdrawal gets bad. We're all here for you and we don't want you to suffer."

"I don't want to be a burden. I mean, it- it's my problem not yours or Keith's."

"I'm your friend and Keith loves you. Trust me, we want to help. We hate seeing you like this."

"I can't do it." James murmured so softly that it took a moment for Lance's brain to process it.

"What do you mean?"

"I can't overcome the addiction. I can't live like this..."

"Yes, you can. You're so strong for making it this far already."

James retracted from the hug enough that Lance could see him shake his head. "I really want to die."

Subconsciously, Lance gripped onto James's arm to stop him from escaping the embrace completely. "Please don't say that. I know you can get through this and death is not an option."

"I'm sorry for coming here," James managed to shimmy out of Lance's grip so he could turn and begin to walk towards the door. "I shouldn't have said anything. It was dumb of me."

"It's alright..."

"Will you tell Keith?"

Lance let his mouth fall open as the cogs whirred in his mind. "I kind of have to. For your own safety."

"I'm not..." James started but trailed off once he realised he didn't have the energy to argue his case; maybe part of him didn't trust himself either. "But please don't tell him."

"Promise me you won't do anything stupid?"

"I promise."

"And promise me you will talk to either me or Keith when you feel like it's getting too much?"

"I promise..."

"Oh and James?"

James turned around in the doorway but didn't make eye contact with Lance. For a moment, the only sound seemed to be that of James's rapidly beating heart.

"I don't even take adderall."

I'm sorry for posting so infrequently but, as you know, times are tough right now. This isolation and the virus is causing my mood to plummet and making me rather anxious. In addition, my dog past away on Tuesday and its hitting my family hard. I'm struggling to stay motivated and keep forgetting to upload. I'm sorry and, as always, I hope you are well.