And Then There Was You.. (Unedited)

Chapter 9-Dancing in the rain.

When i first opened my eyes, i went outside to search for the black car i saw, it looked exactly like Julian's car, and even though i knew it wasnt him, i just couldnt let it go like that without checking.

I looked everywhere, but there was no black cars in sight. i already knew that it wasnt him, i mean why would he come here anyway? what could he possibly have to say after what he did to me?. even though im dying to see him, but i know that its better if i dont, because the pain that accompanys seeing him again, is something i cant handle. like when i saw him in the water, the pain was too much that i let go of myself, and just waited for death to come to me.

What some people dont understand, is that Julian wasnt just my boyfriend, he was the man i wanted to spend the rest of my life with, he made me happy, he was everything to me, and i loved him so much, way more than words can tell. i planned my future with him, i already had this picture of us, married, with beautiful healthy children, i saw us growing old together. i wanted to start a family with Julian. now after all that happened, i didnt just lose my boyfriend, i lost my future, a future of us. everything was taken away from me, and i cant even begin to describe the pain of losing not only your boyfriend who is the love of your life, but also losing a future that was so beautiful. its everything i want in life. i just wanted to start a family with the man i love. is that too much to ask? apparently it is. thats why im so mad at Julian, after what he did to me, he made me lose our future. thats why i practically die a little everytime i remember anything that's related to Julian, because i remember what could have been, and what will never be.

I went inside and went straight to the kitchen, to make Alex and John some breakfast before they head to the shop. i know i was supposed to stay here til i get better which i am, technically. but i love it here so much. i dont know what will happen to me whenever i leave, because having Alex there for me, has made things so much easier. and John, he is like the dad i never had.

My dad left me and my mom when i was 7 years old, i was old enough to know that i wasnt going to see my dad anymore, but i wasnt old enough to understand why. i handled it pretty well though, i didnt allow myself to cry in front of my mom, i tried to be strong for her, and i held her when she cried, although i would cry myself to sleep every night, but my mom had no idea, she thought i was strong enough to not cry over an asshole who suddenly realized he is unfit to be a dad, and decided to leave, without saying goodbye. at that time i couldnt understand why, why would he leave us like that?, whenever i asked my mom, she would tell me that she doesnt know why he left, and that she doesnt care, and that i shouldnt either, she would keep on telling me that we dont need him in our lives, and that he doesnt deserve us. i tried to pretend like i believe what she said, but deep down, i was so hurt over the fact that my own father left without saying goodbye to his own daughter that nothing she could ever say would help me.

After John and Alex left for work, i cleaned the house, and i sat by the window, with a cup of tea in my hand. it was raining. the rain looked like tears from the eyes of the clouds, softly falling on the ground with a light pitter-patter sound. I've always admired the way a raindrop will fall, sometimes slanted and other times straight. The uneven sounds of them pounding harder against the window as they fall faster yet still I can hear a slight rhythem hidden in there. I crack the window and can smell the rain, there is no other smell like it. There is nothing so fresh.I find on days like this I can loose myself for hours as I stare out the window at the beauty all around me. My imagination carries me away when i watch the rain, Sometimes I can see faces in the dribbles on my window pane. I find peace from watching them run down the glass and pool on the sill on the other side. What dream will the rain cast for me this time?. my heart twists with agony as another memory unfolds.

*Flashback*

It was a week after, and i still hadent heard from Julian, and i was a mess. i went to his house 3 times, and no one was there to open the door. i called him, texted him, left him messages, emailed him and i even sent him letters, yes i was that desperate. its been 10 days since i last saw him, and 7 since i last spoke with him. he did say he was going out of town, but he said for a couple of days, not a whole freaken week.