And Then There Was You.. (Unedited)

Chapter 12- Part 1.Opening up.

A/N:

I had this idea in my mind where i would basically have to write A very long chapter. but then i figured that it would be too hard to write, and way too difficult for you guys to read.. so i decided that im going split the chapter. this chapter is going to be split into 3 parts. each part will have a different title. 

enjoy :)

haiosha57 :)

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 "The thing with broken clocks is that                                                                                                            you can always tell exactly                                                                                                                      when they stop ticking.

with people it isnt so easy                                                                                                                             and sometimes                                                                                                                                            you cant even tell that

they're broken".

                                                                    ******* 

It used to be that when i thought of Julian, i would get so happy that i couldnt help but smile. Now i just get this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach and it makes me think that ill never smile again.

Saying that life is hard, is an understatement.  and there are so many reasons why.

Firstly, the damned nightmares wont go away. every night i have the same nightmare and its freaking me out to the point that where im actually afraid to sleep.

Secondly, Ella canceled on me. i was really looking forward to seeing her, because i really do miss her. and i wanted to get to the bottom of whatever was going on with her. she knew something that i didnt, and it was killing me not knowing. she was acting really weird. and it worried me. ever since the break up, she hasnt been herself. 

Thirdly, is Alex. i cannot be around him anymore. he keeps looking at me as if im crazy. and its getting on my nerves. he checks on me every 5 minutes, and he wont leave me alone, he would keep asking if im okay and when i tell him that im fine, he doesnt believe me. a few days ago i asked him if he would like to call the gang and we could go out to dinner or something, he stared at me as if i just dropped a bomshell on him. he was driving me crazy. when i tell him i want to be alone, its like im saying: "please dont leave me". i dont know what to do. i thought about leaving, but where would i even go?. i cant go to my mother's house because she would be even worst than Alex, and i cant go to a hotel, because i simply cannot be on my own. going back is not even an option.

And last but not least, there's the heartache. you know, i dont even know why they call it heartbreak, it feels like every other part of my body is broken too. i dont allow myself to think about Julian, or remember anything remotely close to him. i just want to forget, and move on. but that couldnt be harder, because everything around me reminds me of HIM. 

So all in all, life sucks. but in spite of everything, im doing better. i dont cry as much, i dont think about Julian as much. i can laugh and smile. the pain is still there, and i dont think it will ever go away, but its getting easier to breath.