And Then There Was You.. (Unedited)

Chapter 10-Far Away.

You know the feeling you get sometimes when life is just too damn cruel that you just want to stay in bed all day long and not face the world, well thats how i feel EVERY single day.

 The pain is still there and sometimes i cant breathe, i still have those horrible nightmares, and i cry myself to sleep almost every night, but its much better than it was before, i can laugh and smile and actually mean it, and i have Alex to thank for that, i dont know what i would without him.

Alex is paying alot of attention to me in the past few days, his eyes are on me all the time, he would check up on me at night when im supposed to be sleeping, he gives me the look like he's waiting for me to break down. so to get him off my back, i try to be extra cheery when he's around, i laugh and make jokes and what not so he wouldnt find a reason to give me that look..

I thought i was fooling him but i couldnt more wrong. he could see through my façade, and he knew that i smiled just to keep the tears from falling, he knew i cried everytime i was alone, he knew that i sleep everynight with my locket open on my pillow, he knows all the things i did and he was nice enough to pretend like he didnt notice.

I know that he was dying to ask me how i ended up almost drowning, and i knew he was dying to know the real reason behind the breakup, and a part of me really wanted to tell him everything, i wanted to let him in, i wanted someone to share my pain with, i didnt know if it would do me any good, but id still like to give it a go.  on the other hand, i was afraid he would think im crazy and suicidial, and he might think im the type of girl who sees her boyfriend everywhere, he might think im crazy, its highly possible.  because even i think im crazy, i never tell anyone about the times i see Julian and i talk to him, or the times i close my eyes just to pretend that everything was still okay and me and Julian were still together, and that horrible day never happened in the first place. i dont want anyone to know about all that. i try to keep it all to myself.. 

Alex was doing his best in trying to make me feel better, he would make us watch movies, play video games and all that. i really do appreciate everything he's doing for me, and i wish i could just stop being so damn miserable, but its out of my hands, like i said before, i lost EVERYTHING, and i dont really have a reason to live anymore.

We were setting at home on a sunday morning, John was watching the news, and i was setting next to him staring at the walls while Alex was asleep. me and Julian broke up, there is no way we can get back together after what he did, and i know i should hate him, but i just cant. sometimes i wish i never met him, yet i know that i wouldnt be the same person i am today if i never met him, even though he broke my heart, but he changed my life. and i cant thank him enough for that.

I dont know how much time passed while i was staring at the wall, i dont really pay attention to the time or date, because all days are the same, they bring more pain as they go by, they have no meaning, just like life. everything is  MEANINGLESS.

When Alex saw me like that, he grabbed my hand and led me to my room and told to get ready immediately. "where are we going?" i asked trying to hide my sudden discomfort, "i want to take you to a place ive been going to since i was a kid, i go there when i want to clear my head and think my life through," he said and left the room and closing the door behind him.

I put on a pair of black shorts, a white tank top, sneakers and i put my hair in a messy bun. i looked at myself in the mirror, and all i can stare at was the letter J on my locket, i tore away my eyes eyes from it, and left the room.

Alex was waiting for me when i got out, he smiled and took my hand and led me towards his car. i couldnt help but wince when he held my hand. the smile and the hand holding reminded me too much of someone.