Here For You

Stay Or Go? (20)

1993
Your POV
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Maybe I'm just overreacting.

I wring my hands together as I sit on the bed, waiting for Bill to join me to get some sleep.

Anybody in their right mind would think the same thing as me though, right?

I know that if I leave it will be stupid.

I know that if I leave that I will regret it.

But what I don't know, is that if I leave, will it actually protect my friends?

Will I be able to destroy It on my own, or will I just end up dead?

Am I really willing to take that risk?

To jump in blindly and hope for the best?

I guess I am.

Even if there's just a sliver of a chance that this will keep my group safe, then I have to take it.

I'm the reason they got hurt.

My presence keeps them in danger constantly.

If I'm gone, hopefully they'll be safe and that I'll be able to get rid of It by myself.

Unlikely, but possible.

Besides, when do I not make irrational decisions in order to make things right?

That's kind of my thing.

Bill steps into the room and I help him lay down. I get under the covers next to him, and wait until I think he's fallen asleep before making my move.

I carefully get up and change back into my day clothes in the bathroom. I quietly exit and see Bill sound asleep, so I tip-toe downstairs and write a note to leave behind, my bag strapped around my shoulder.

It's late at night, and the only light emitted is coming from the windows.

I hear footsteps behind me, so I hurriedly crumple the note up and shove it into my pocket. I ignore them and attempt to make my leave, when my arm is suddenly grabbed.

I inhale sharply before turning around, coming face-to-face with none other than Bill himself.

So he faked being asleep.

The clever bastard.

"What?" I whisper.

"Are you l-leaving?"

"Why does it matter?"

"J-Just answer the q-question, Y-YN."

"Whatever, yeah. I am."

"D-Don't go."

"Why not?"

"We n-need you h-here. I need y-you here."

"All I'm doing is puttin' ya'll in peril on the daily. Ya'll were doin' fine on yer own before I came 'round, anyhow. Ya don't need me."

"No, I-I do n-need you."

"How? Why?" I demand, unbelieving.

Without warning, Bill pulls me in and presses his lips against mine, in a sort of desperation and love I've never experienced before.

I just go with it and close my eyes as well, kissing him back. I let my bag fall to the ground, but assist it so it won't make much noise.

Bill wraps his non-broken arm around one side of my waist, and I let my arms dangle around his neck as not to hurt his wounded arm. He lets me get as close as I can without touching his arm, both of us wary about it.

His lips are soft, and he tastes sweet.

The longer we kiss, the more I get to know the feeling of his lips against mine.

The pacing is slow, but passionate. The perfect speed for a first kiss.

I let one of my hands play with his hair, and he seems to enjoy it. I can feel him smile a little into it, resulting in me doing the same.

We pull apart when we run out of oxygen, leaving us breathless and panting like dogs.

He rests his forehead against mine and stares into my eyes, despite the vision being blurry from being so close.

"Because I love you."

Bill said it with such seriousness, not even with a stutter, that I believed his words.

"That's why I c-can't lose you. That's why I-I need you. Because I love you."

I smile a little at him, pulling back a little since it feels as if I'm going cross-eyed and my head is starting to hurt from it.

I reply back, sincere, "I love you too, Bill. I love you too."

After sharing another short kiss, I grab my bag and we head back to our shared bedroom to get some much needed sleep.

Once we lay down, I hold him in my arms carefully, letting him fall asleep before me. For real, this time.

I ponder about whether or not I still want to leave, but I go against it.

I can't do this alone.

I need my friends to help me.

I can't bring myself to leave them all behind, especially not Bill.

The very thought kills me.

I suppose I just needed Bill to throw me back into reality to realize what a mistake I would've made if I truly left.

I close my eyes and drift off to sleep within mere minutes, content with my decision, despite the small shred of doubt at the back of my mind telling me to go.

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-CastrarWolf