Never Again

chapter 7

CHAPTER 7

During dinner I talked as little as possible. My mom had asked me what was wrong like she always does but luckily when I told her there was nothing wrong she stopped bothering me about it.

Afterwards I went into my room, turned all of my lights off and spent my time just looking at my phone. I watched You Tube videos and played some games and that cheered me up a lot. I then decided to finally do my homework. I turned on my white Christmas lights and sat at my desk.

My English teacher had given us a homework assignment to find the little things in our lives that make us happy. We then had to take photos and write descriptions about them and present in any format we wanted. She gave us two weeks to do it. I knew that pretty much everyone in our class would procrastinate until the last few days and glue some pictures on a poster board and call it good. But when it comes to projects and me I usually start planning a bit and then go out and do it all and get it done and over with.

I grabbed a lined sticky note and began to make a list of all the things that make me happy. I started off with the basics of friends, family, shopping and so on. Then I got thinking harder. What really makes me happy? Did I even have those moments? I added Netflix, my phone and my dog Daisy. Most people would say food and I wrote it down. Instantly, I scribbled it out. Food provided my stomach satisfaction but it made me guilty, regardless of the flavor. I regretted this question even more; did my family really make me happy? I hated myself for asking that but I really wondered. Sure they made me laugh and we had our good and bad times but deep down inside did they make me feel happy? I was grateful that I had them but I felt to hidden. Little things would happen that they would do that would tear me down without them even knowing. I wish that it could be different.

I ran my hands through my hair. I get stressed out way too easily. I had to relax and tell myself it was okay. It was due in two weeks. I wasn’t going to die…from this at least.

After sitting at my desk staring at my wall and thinking blankly for about fifteen minutes I just decided to take a shower and go to bed.

I lay in bed just staring up my ceiling. I had a machine thing that shown lights that formed the galaxy on a wall or ceiling. That was one thing that made me happy. I’d have to write that down. I loved the way it made me feel like I could escape into the darkness like someone had come and taken me away into the depths of the universe, giving me something to believe in. I stared and stared into the heart of the galaxy until I finally dozed off into a deep, frightening sleep.

.  .  .  .  .

The nightmare began with me in a forest. It was a beautiful forest. There were tall, green trees, flowers, little streams and waterfalls. Birds were singing their sweet melodies. I was standing there in a billowing, white, simple gown. It looked like I had just come back from a party or something like that. I walked around smelling the roses and just taking in the beauty until it became dark.

The sky became like one of those filters on Instagram with darkness fading into a grayish light. My vision kept on switching from first to third person. I started running, running in my bare feet. I didn’t know what I was running from until I was surrounded by other girls. I was in the middle of their circle. I didn’t recognize them until I saw that they were versions of me. They were all in the same dress and we all looked exactly the same except for two things. All six ‘clones’ of me had different colored eyes. One had red, one had emerald green, and one even had purple. Each one of them also were skinner than I was. They had the figure that I had wanted to achieve for the longest time.

“Who are you all?” I asked.

“We’re all you,” they replied in unison.

“Well why are you all here?”