Never Again

chapter 8

CHAPTER 8

            I got ready quickly and silently. I had woken up sweaty and breathing heavy. I got into the shower and stayed in my room until it was time to go. While waiting for Willow to come and pick me up I did some light exercises. I went back into the bathroom and weighed myself. I was 135.2 pounds. I was only supposed to be 120 pounds. Stupid food. I looked down at my stomach; I could tell why everyone in my nightmares had screamed in horror at it. The muffin top was unbearable. I wanted to just cut it off somehow or take a machine and suck all of the fat out. I looked in the mirror at my thighs. I needed a thigh gap. My legs met together awkwardly in between my legs near the hip bones and I had extra fat around the sides of them. I ran my hands down my legs moving all of the fat. This is what I needed to look like.

            I looked back at myself in the mirror. I was wearing a long maroon sweater and black leggings. I had my hair in a high ponytail. I looked okay except for my legs. Luckily my sweater wasn’t tight so you couldn’t see my stomach. Tears welled up in my eyes again. Why couldn’t I just look pretty?

            I looked back into the mirror and my mind flashed to the time back in eighth grade when I was running early in the morning. It was in a very cold March and it was about six AM. I had run two miles. My anxiety got the better of me as I looked down and saw no change in my body. I knew that I wouldn’t see instant results but it made me mad. I kept on running and running. My body had ached beyond belief and tears were streaming down my face. But I would not stop. My monsters told me not to stop; I didn’t want to stop until I was skinny again. By the time I came home it was nine o’clock and I had run four miles and hadn’t eaten anything. I walked in through the door and instantly collapsed the second it closed.

            My mom knocked on my door and I snapped back to reality.

            “Willow’s here,” she said.

            I looked up at her with sad eyes and nodded.

            “Elsie what’s wrong?” she asked.

            I said nothing and began to walk out. My mom grabbed my arm and I whirled around.

            “Elsie, what is wrong?” she asked more firmly.

            “Nothing mom, just had a hard time sleeping, that’s all.”

I finally pushed passed her and went down the stairs. As I opened the door she was right behind me.

            “Okay,” she paused. “Have a good day,”

I waved and walked out to Willow’s car.

            “What’s up?” she asked.

            “I couldn’t sleep,” I groaned.

            “Bummer, I had a hard time sleeping too; I just ended up playing on my phone for a few hours until I fell asleep.”

            “That’s good,” I said. “I just kept on getting nightmares.”

            Willow laughed. “Let me guess, monsters, aliens, blood and dead bodies?”

I laughed. “No, not this time, just weird clones of me with weird eye colors chasing me in a forest.”

            Willow shuddered. “That’s not creepy at all,”

            “Tell me about it,”

            After a short moment of silence Willow spoke.

            “So did you talk to Tyler in English?” she said teasingly.