Never Again

Chapter 14

(Ok so I know this says part 15 but this really is chapter 14. ;) )

CHAPTER 14

I was happy for Brinn and Sam, truly. But something just about the fact that try were getting married made me sad. just looking at the love I could see emulating from them only reminded me of that thing I'd never have. Love. I felt love from Brinn and Sam and that's about it. But now that they'd be leaving for a long time and starting a family I'd have no one.
Now pretty much everyone would ask: what about your family and friends? I have asked myself that question before and I easily find my answer. There is no love, only liking. My parents and I have more bad times then good. Too many arguments and punishments. Even if we're being nice to each other I still don't feel or see anything, regardless of how many stupid times they tell me that they do love me.
My sister and I just don't really get along at all. There's one nice comment and just in the snap of your fingers it's little miss attitude barking in your face. David and Matt are okay though. We never really fight or anything but we never do stuff together or talk a lot. It's like we just pass through each others lives, pausing occasionally to say hello.
All of my friends and I are relatively close but for some reason it's only like not love. We more of use that expression in a joking manner. Willow and I are like sisters and I really appreciate and love her but there's something separating us from being the best friends we can be. Besides, she has lots of other friends that she hangs out with that sometimes I think she's closer too than me. I'm the friend that would be picked last in a game, I'm the weed in most people's lives. even though I'm surrounded by people that will almost always have my back I get the feeling that they wish I wasn't there. I'm still alone.
As I was lost in those thoughts I had run upstairs to my bathroom to transfer out the pain. I locked the door and turned the lights out and lit a candle. I pulled out my knife from its hiding spot in the back of a towel drawer in a tissue box and washed off some if the dry blood on it. I made a quick slit on my arm. I took a deep breath and put everything away.
I walked into my too and flopped onto my bed. I stared up at the quote on my ceiling that I had put up freshman year. The sign read be brave. I had put it up during the time my golden retriever, Sky died. I watched her body be crushed underneath the tires of a huge truck. There was a lot of blood from the both of us. I put up the sign to tell myself that it would be okay. I got over it eventually though I sometimes still get haunting flashbacks to that day.
My whole life I've told myself to be brave but it was way easier to say something then to live up to it.
Back when I had Sky I knew that someone would always be there and love me. Whenever I was upset she would come and lie on my lap and luck the tears off my face. I had left my knife on my toilet seat one time and she had grabbed it and buried it in the backyard. I didn't cut myself for a week.
Sky was gone and now Brinn would soon be too.
I lay on my bed thinking about al of it for about 20 minutes until Brinn walked into my room. I quickly sat up.
"Are you okay?" she asked, sitting next to me.
I shrugged my shoulders.
"Elsie what's going on?" she insisted.
I sighed. "I'm just going to miss you so much."
Brinn pulled me into a right hug.
"I'll miss you too."
We hugged a but longer, sniffling like the world depended on it.