Life with Hunters

Ch 11 Do you want to stay or leave?

Jacob said absolutely nothing which made me a nervous wreck in his hands. He just stared at him blankly. I quickly pushed his hands off my shoulders and pushed past him. I wanted nothing more than to run away from him and never show my face to him again. But Jacob stopped me from running away by grabbing a hold of my hand. I struggled to get out of his grip but he wouldn't let go. He pulled me back to him and, to my surprise, hugged me tightly. I stopped struggling because I was so confused. But I was also afraid. What if he was hugging me so he could stab me? Or calling for someone else to come find us and have me thrown out of the camp? So many worst case scenarios were going through my head which made me resume my struggling against Jacob.

   "Let go of me!" I pushed against him, trying to wiggle of his arms. Every time I managed to break free somewhat, he wrapped his arms back around me to prevent me from running.

   "Shut up and listen!" He held me so tightly I thought I would end up suffocating. I stopped struggling momentarily and huffed loudly. "I understand why you didn't want anyone knowing... That's not something most would believe. Or even take calmly. I'm sorry for persisting so much. But I don't understand how that's even possible... You shouldn't be alive because... you know..." Jacob loosened his grip on me enough so that we could look each other in the eyes.

   "I know... And I don't understand how or know why either... They just... Didn't kill me. They never even acted hostile to me. They were my only comfort from the harsh environment around me. They were family to me..." I missed my pack... MY hunters... I missed them all and I was honestly worried about them. "I.. I really miss them to be honest..." I muttered, feeling a knot form in my throat and my vision go blurry. I quickly wiped at my eyes and swallowed the knot. No way was I going to cry in front of someone I liked. There was too much emotion between us already from me spilling the beans to him.

   "I see..." Jacob released me from his grasp, and I shivered from how cold I suddenly felt now that I wasn't wrapped up in his arms. He looked... Sad. Like he had hoped that I didn't miss the hunters that did so much to help me survive. His lips were pulled into a frown and he refused to make anymore eye contact with me by looking at the ground. "I... I assume... Do you want to leave and search for them?" He finally asked after a moment of tense silence between us. I felt as though I was about to shatter. I didn't know how to answer that question. I had no clue what I wanted. My heart and mind were at war with each other. 'Stay with Jacob!' my heart screeched. 'Find the hunters!' my mind roared. The last time I felt this torn over something was when I chose to stay with the hunters over going with my friends from school. It physically hurt that I was now faced with choosing between Jacob and the hunters. And the fact that I couldn't.

   "I-I... I can't choose..." My knees buckled under me and I sunk to the ground. I felt so numb. The numbness terrified me. I couldn't think straight, much less at all. The only thing I could see clearly was that it wasn't that I couldn't choose between Jacob and the pack. It was that I didn't want to choose between them. I didn't want to pick on or the other. I wanted both. I wanted to stay with Jacob and find my hunters. But one can't always have what they want. Jacob was kneeling in front of me having saw me go from standing to sitting within a few seconds. His hands were on my shoulders again from what I could see and I could see his mouth moving, but I couldn't hear what he was saying. This went on for a minute or so before I finally regained my senses.

   "Emiko! Hey are you feeling okay?" Jacob asked worriedly. I blinked at him before nodding my head slowly. He carefully helped me back up onto my feet and dusted the dirt off me before hugging me again. He kept apologizing over and over for making me upset. I didn't know what he meant until I felt that my cheeks were wet with tears. I reached up and wiped at my eyes with a sniffle from my nose.

    "It's.. It's okay..." I choked out slightly as I composed myself. Jacob wasn't convinced at all but he didn't push it. He didn't let go of me though so I was trapped in another hug. But in all honesty, that hug was what was keeping me grounded at the moment so I didn't complain or struggle.

   "I don't understand what you meant... when you said you couldn't choose." Jacob made me look at him by using one of his hands to cup my cheek and tilt my head back. I wasn't sure if I could explain clearly with the tirade of emotions I was feeling all at the same time. But I knew he wasn't going to drop it until I gave some sort of explanation.

   "I meant exactly what I said... I can't choose between you and my hunters... I don't want to choose because I want both of you. I don't want to make the wrong choice again..." I dropped my head when I felt my eyes tear up again. Jacob lifted my head again and wiped gently at my eyes with his thumbs.

   "I'll probably never understand you reasoning for wanting to find the hunters that helped you survive, but I will support whichever choice you end up making in the end. Even if it's a spontaneous third choice you make out of thin air. But I don't think you have to make a choice at all right now. Just think things over for a while. Nothing is rushing you." He gave me a smile, trying to cheer me up. I gulped and nodded my head while sniffling again. I used my sleeve to dry my eyes again and took a few deep breaths to calm myself. Jacob held my hand and walked me back to my tent after he was sure I wasn't crying anymore and that I had calmed down.

    "I'm sorry for snapping at you and fighting with you..." I said, not wanting to leave that topic untouched since I didn't want it weighing on my conscience.

   "I forgive you. It was my fault you snapped anyways." He replied. "I'm sorry about being so persistent."

   "It's okay.. Could you be better about not being so persistent in the future though..?" I asked for the sake of both Jacob's and my own sanity. Jacob nodded at me and bid me good night when we reached my tent. But he didn't leave without another hug. A hug that I happily gave him because I actually really liked hugs from him.

                                                                                   ~Time Skip~

The morning after I told Jacob the truth, he came to my tent like he normally did to get me up for breakfast. I got up and cleaned myself up in the camp showers then headed to breakfast with Jacob. He chatted with me on the way to the mess hall tent, and I noticed he purposefully avoided asking me anything more on the subject me living with hunters previously. I appreciated the gesture because I really wasn't comfortable talking about it. Instead Jacob directed the conversation to what we did before the outbreak even happened. Apparently we had gone to the same high school and never noticed each other. I found that odd and I did comment on it, which made us both laugh because he thought strange as well. The walk to the mess hall seemed shorter as we talked, and even the line to get food felt like it went faster. Jacob and I just kept the topic going as we got our food and went to our usual table. It was fun talking about life before the outbreak and what we did for school, fun, friends and family. Some people looked at us like we were committing a taboo by talking about our lives before the plague, but neither Jacob nor I cared. We kept talking until Jacob went quiet and his face went from carefree to serious.

    "What's wrong Jacob?" I asked confused since he had been talking freely and in a happy tone just a few seconds ago.

    "I want to ask you a serious question because I need to know. Do you want to stay here, or leave?" Jacob looked me dead in the eyes expecting an answer of some kind. I was speechless. The thought had never really crossed my mind before but now that the question was asked, I didn't know what I wanted to do. Jacob patiently waited for my answer as I thought it over. But he never took his eyes off me as he waited. I leaned in closer to him when I thought of an answer, as I didn't want people to hear what I was about to say.

    "I would leave if you came with me..." I never broke eye contact as I replied.