Vampire Diaries Blood Brothers

~Chapter Twenty Seven~

Dear Diary,
   Last night I had a dream. I woke up crying, but not because I was scared, quite the contrary. It was the best dream I'd ever had. Or at least the best dream I'd had in a really, really long time. I dreamt that Stefan and I were together, as a couple. We were at his house and all the issues we'd been battling had completely disappeared. We talked, we laughed, we kissed... Everything was so perfect. We were like him and Lexi, in a way. We could be ourselves around each other, our full selves and neither one of us feared how the other felt. We loved each other completely and we both knew it. Everything was perfect.
   When I woke up crying, I wasn't sure why at first. It was the perfect dream, but now I realise I was crying because I wanted it to be real. We never know which breath will be our last, a lesson hard learned by the passing of Elena and my parents. Stefan may be immortal, but I'm not and I don't want to waste my time weighing up the pros and cons of being the girlfriend of a vampire.
   I am in love with him. I am in love with Stefan Salvatore. Argh! Man it feels good to say it, or at least write it. Now I know better than ever that I've always loved Stefan, I just couldn't admit it. But now that I have, I plan to do something about it. Today I will find Stefan before class and I will tell him exactly how I feel. No beating around the bush and no backing down. Life's too short and I can't bare to go through another second without him by my side, or at least without knowing how he feels. 
   I wish Elena was here. I wish she would demand to know every detail about my feelings for Stefan. I wish she would tease me about it and walk right up to Stefan and tell him if he ever hurt me she would hunt him down and make him regret it, or at least something sisterly like that.
   As hard as it is to accept, Elena's not here and all of my wishes won't ever become a reality, but Stefan... He makes the hole she and my parents left smaller. He makes me feel special and wanted and safe. Unlike the family I lost six months ago, Stefan's immortal. He won't ever leave me. He can't die and he won't ever leave me.
   After I lost three loves of my life I was afraid to love anyone. I was even afraid to let Bonnie back in because I was afraid she would leave me the same way my family did. But with Stefan, I know I can put my heart out there. I'm not afraid anymore because he wouldn't ever leave a hole like the one Elena, mom and dad left. 

As soon as I got to school I went in search of Stefan. He was almost always punctual, unless he wasn't planning on showing up of course. Bonnie tried to reassure me that he was probably just saying goodbye to Lexi but I wasn't so sure. Caroline was a no show too which made me worry about Damon. Ever since he'd arrived he'd done so much to Caroline. Stefan did his best to stop his brother, but Damon was stronger and could accomplish almost anything when he put his mind to it. 
   "Do you know where Caroline is?" I asked Bonnie as we sat down in History while Mr Saltzman wrote the date at the top corner of the blackboard. 
   "No," she frowned, raising an eyebrow. "Last I saw Matt was dropping her home."
   "Matt gave her a ride home after the party?" I queried. "Why? What happened to her car?"
   "I don't know," Bonnie shrugged. "Work emergency. Sheriff Forbes needed it for something."
   "And Matt offered to drive her home?" I gave her a knowing look. "Ooooh."
   Bonnie laughed. "I doubt it's anything romantic," she shook her head.
   "Oh it will be, if Caroline has anything to do with it," I offered a cheeky grin.
   "I don't know," she scrunched her nose. "I know you hate talking about it, but Matt lost Elena too. I know you guys haven't talked in a while but he misses your friendship. Besides, we both know Matt isn't the moving type."
   Sitting back in my chair, I frowned, tapping the end of my pencil on the edge of the wooden table. Matt had always been protective of me, more so since the accident, and especially after I started hanging out with Stefan. Matt never trusted him and, to be honest, never really liked him either. I missed my relationship with Matt too, but it was just too hard. Unlike me, he always seemed to bring Elena and the accident into the conversation - a topic I did not want to talk about - and he would always make snarky comments about Stefan and how I could do better and blah blah blah. Matt was just a little too much for me right now. But, as usual, Bonnie was right. Matt was hurting, just like me. I should have made more of an effort with him. But all I could think about was how I would tell Stefan that I love him!