High On Life

34: Revelation Of The Truth

"Nida? Nida beta?" I opened my eyes to the sight of mom and dad. Tears still wet on my cheeks. I had fallen asleep, crying.

I deserved it. Deserved all this pain.

"M..mama, papa? Kahaan chale gay thay aap log?" I bawled, hugging them both as they crouched down in front of me.

Over my shoulders I could feel them both glance at each other.

"Beta w...woh Sameena ki tabeyat theek nahi thi, to iss liye humein jaana para." Dad explains.

"Aap logon ke phone kiyun bund thay? Meray kiye ki hi saza aap log mujhe hi de rahay thay, aur woh bhi iss tarha se, yeh mein kabhi soch bhi nahi sakti thi. I...I'm sorry mom and dad. I'm really sorry. I won't ever mute my phone again." I cried to myself and both of them just stayed quiet.

"Nida betay, I'm sorry." Mom says, tears welling up in her eyes.

"Nahi mom. I'm sorry. It's all my fault." I just bawled over her shoulder as she hugged me tight.

From the corner of my eye, I could feel dad stare at us with an expression that I couldn't quite understand.

"Nida rona bund karo na." She pulled away and wiped my tears, but I kept crying. She wiped my tears and looks towards dad.

"Rizwan jee, aap chup karaayein na isse." She says to dad, and he grabs me in his arms, hugging me.

"Bas bas. Papa ki jaan. Rona nahi hai. Itni bari launthi ho ke bhi aise kaam karegi ?" He consoles me and I chuckled a bit as we pulled back.

"M..mein aati hun zara plants ke liye paani le kar." Mom gets up and walks away, into the house. I could see tears in her eyes. Did I...hurt her?

"Launthi ko ghar akelay chor ke jaayein ge to aisa hi hoga na." I pout at him and he wiped away my tears.

He kisses my forehead and smiles at me. I smile back and we go in.

Rafia's (Nida's mom) POV:

I left the garden because I couldn't hold in my tears anymore.

I just dashed into my room and cried. Cried my heart out. Her pain was too much for me.

Uss ke aansou. Nahi dekhay gaye mujh se. Yehi aansou hain jin ko mein waqt se pehlay apni aankhon ke saamne nahi nikalne de sakti. Nida mat ro please. Please stay strong for me. Jab tak yeh saansein mujh mein baaqi hain, meray saath raho, hansti khelti raho, Shehryaar ki mohabbat bani raho. Iss saans ke ukkhar jaane tak mein tumhaari aankhon mein aik qatra nahi bardasht kar sakti. Mujhe de do yeh aansou. Mein zindagi bhar ro doun gi pr tumhein nahi rone doungi.

Humaari itni si ghair mojoodgi (absence) mein tumne ro ro ke apna yeh haal kar diya hai. Pata nahi meray....meray jaane ke baad tum apne aap ko kaise sambhalo gi.....Rizwan jee ko kaise sambhalo gi.

Jaan to aahista aahista nikaal hi raha hai yeh lung cancer, pr waqt se pehlay to mat nikaalo meri jaan. Please Nida.

I kept weeping silently as I laid helplessly on the floor. I can't believe I'm lying to my daughter about someone else's ill health, when my own is eating me up slowly and painfully with each passing day.

Rizwan jee and I had to shut off our mobile phones near the radiology department so that it doesn't interfere with the medical equipment there. Nida's worry had troubled me constantly all throughout that time, but I was helpless. Helpless with my own life.

My breathing had started to become tedious once again, and I felt nauseous. No. No. Ya Allah please. Not another painful sign. I've already had enough.