Finding Him

Chapter Sixteen

"Good morning, Nikki!" A small blond girl with a pixie nose smiles. I nod my head and smile. I can't recollect if I know her, but it's my first day back and it's good to start off with a nice smile. The crowded school hallways don't look like they've changed any in my absence. I hurry down the hall with my full bag of books and homework and people smile pleasantly at me even though I don't know them. They had no idea that I almost drowned, that Will and I- voted cutest couple last year- were not speaking or that I had slapped him, and that I was falling in love with Dex.

Yes, I was falling in love. It wasn't one of those things like in the movies where everything is big and dramatic and BOOM!- in love. It was more causal in a weird way. It sneaks up on you and then, all of a sudden, you kind of just realize its there. For example, I was Dex's forever best friend and he was mine- that was just how it was. When I left him and I lost connection with him, I missed him, I mourned the loss of my one love. Then I fell in love again in basically the same way. Will was my friend, one of my first friends I had in California, then suddenly we both liked each other. From there, the little moments- him tucking stray hairs behind my ears, him giving me a single red rose everyday for a whole month, the kisses he placed on top of my head- made it clear that I loved him. Now, Dex was back and first I was determined just to have him as a friend like when I was younger. That went down the drain quickly. Now I'm sitting here tallying all the small moments over all the years I've known him, loved him. It added up to what I guess I already knew. I still loved him, no matter what came between us. Maybe I always would. I guess what I'm realizing is that when you give your heart away you can't get it back. You can't.

So, in a way, I would always love both guys- Will and Dex- my two forever loves. It was a matter now of which one owned a bigger piece of my heart. It all depended now on whether or not I would regret not having one of them around me all the time.

My heart ached. How could such an emotionally abused girl pick a love?

I reach my locker and turn the knob in the proper order of my combination. It pops open and I arrange all my books and papers according to class so I can turn in the right late work to the right class. I had a lot, that was for sure. I'm glad they gave me the opportunity to work on it at home.

"Nikki!" I hear a voice squeal behind me. I jump and turn around to see Shawn's jubilant face looking up at me.

"Shawn! Oh, you scared me! Hey, how have you been?" I ask, pulling her into a hug.

"Great! How have you been? I missed you like crazy!" She chirps happily.

"I've been okay, I guess." I reply vaguely.

"Oh, yeah Allison told me. I told Jen and Dylan. Sorry, I should've made sure that was OK first." She says, her smile slipping a bit.

"It's fine, I'm just...confused, Shawn. I don't know what to do!" I mutter, closing my locker with an exasperated slam.

She frowns and scrunches her forehead. "I don't know, Nix. If you really want to know then I think your better with Dex. You're cute with Will too, but you just look so happy whenever you're with Dex."

"Really?" I ask. She nods.

"He's cool, Nix. I-we really like him!" She reassures.

"Yeah, but what are we going to do because I don't think Will is exactly cool with him hanging out with us anymore?" I point out.

She shrugs, "I don't know."

I nod and frown. We begin walking to class- Shawn had Spanish first period and it was right across from the History room.

Just as we near the door and prepare to say our goodbyes, Will rounds the corner. Instantly, my eyes fixate on the blond his arm is casually slung around. Oh my God in heaven, it's Grace Wilson. As in Will's ex-girlfriend Grace Wilson.