Dreamt of Heaven

Chapter 16

Lexa POV

"Lexa?"

Clarke

"Heda..."

I knocked on Clarke's door, awaiting a response in spite of how exhausted I was after enduring Queen Nia's challenge against me. After standing at the door for a couple of seconds, Clarke opened the door. I gave her a swift small nod as a greeting as her hand rested against the door handle.

"Is this I told you so?" Clarke questioned me almost as if implying that I came to gloat, almost as if she was expecting the Commander, not Lexa. The candles in the background illuminating her beautiful presence.

"No. This is thank you." I say hopeful but yet stoic. As impassible as I could attempt to be as it appears that Clarke has the ability to make all the walls crumble just by her mere presence.

She fixed her gaze on me understanding just exactly what I implied. It wasn't just "thank you for your attendance". It was "thank you for being concerned about my well being. Thank you for giving me your forgiveness although I am not worthy". Those two simple words speaking the unspoken words between us.

"Come in," Clarke said gesturing inside as well as moving aside. I took one step in avoiding all eye contact with Clarke. As I begin to take another, I look around the room to see how Clarke has customized it to her liking.

As I observed to my left, I felt a chilling sensation, as well as a gentle hand, come in touch with mine. I looked down to see Clarke cradling my hand, this being our first time touching each other affectionately since Mount Weather. Clarke stares at it with sadness and anger, all at once, seeping through her eyes.

"Sit down. Let me change that for you," Clarke said motioning her head towards a nearby seat. I walked over to the seat, took a seat and placed my hands on my lap. I look at her in her blue nightgown, her beauty radiating off of her as she walked towards me with a rag in hand.

She sat down near me while saying "That girl," before removing my hand from my lap into hers instantly giving me chills. She continued to say "that was with Nia, Ontari" she paused then looked down while saying "what will happen to her?".

I felt a sudden twinge in my chest as the terms were uttered out of her mouth. She was anticipating Heda... but Lexa was the person that entered her and came to talk. Perhaps all of this occurred to be misplaced hope.

"She won't be back until the Conclave after my death." I replied back to her, allowing my face to go stoic. I looked at her as I spoke and observed her eyes darted to mine at the mention of my death.

"Do you ever talk about anything other than your death?" Clarke questioned while cocking an eyebrow. I granted her a small smile as I watched her tear off a fraction of cloth.

"Thank you for backing me," I let out as she commenced to bandage the new dressing around my hand. I stared at her awaiting a response.

"I was just doing what was right for my people," Clarke announced all the while avoiding eye contact with me. I continued looking at her as I felt her warm delicate hands on my own. Eventually, she glanced up with mixed emotions peering through her orbs. I promptly gazed away knowing I couldn't stare back at her.

...right for my people

The words echoed through my mind reminding me once more of what I had relinquished. Of what I had authorized to be torn from my hands. All due to my duty to my people. I've only desired one thing, one person, since Costia, and yet I let it go, I let her go.