Remember 2

Chapter 20

previously

"Hello?" I shouted, looking around.
silence.
My heart started pumping and racing rapidly. I ran upstairs and saw nothing. His car was in the driveway! It was!
I ran down the stairs crying, worried that something happened to him. I didn't want anything to happen to him. This is all my fault. I pushed open Sam's door and winced when I saw him.
"Sam?" I squeaked.

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I walked slowly to Sam. He was cuddled up in a ball with his black blanket around him, his breathing was so slow. I tugged the blanket down to his shoulder when I noticed something. A pill?

My eyes shot up to his dresser. He had his bottled water half empty and i stood up; his bottle of sleeping pills- I picked it up. half empty. Wait. No.

"Sam?" I said and looked down at him, he didn't respond. His breathing seemed to become slower and slower. "Sam!" I shouted and took his water bottle, pouring it over his head. He moved but nothing more.

"Shit, no." I cried and ripped the blanket off of him. I gasped when I saw his wrists were bloody as ever. He didn't cut horizontally, he cut vertically up both his arms. "Oh my god." I whispered and hoisted him up.

My arms were under his armpits as I dragged him out of his room. I had to get him to the upstairs bathroom where we had a tub. I continued to cry as I slowly dragged him up the stairs, his blood dripping on the wooden stairs.

"Sam, don't do this." I cried loudly as he stayed motionless as I dragged his body up, his breathing continued to get slower and slower.

He is going to die.

"No! Don't die, Sam. Don't you do it." I cried with frustration built into me as I got to the last two steps of the stairs. I hoisted him up and pulled him by the legs to the bathroom.

I took off my sweatshirt and blasted the cold water into the tub as the shower head came on as well. I pulled Sam into it got in behind him as I pushed on his stomach. I learned this in my Aid class! Why isn't it working!?

"Sam? Sam! Cmon Sammie." His breathing got slower once again as I pushed on his stomach and opened his mouth. He had to throw up those sleeping pills; his blood ran over my legs and arms as he sat there lifeless.

"Don't do this!" I sobbed into his shoulder as I pressed harder on his gut, desperate for him to wake up.

The cold water continued to hit my face but mostly his; sweat was still on my forehead and I was soaked in a mixture of water, sweat, blood, and tears.

"Please." I whispered and kissed his cheek. I stopped pushing on his stomach and cried. Am I giving up? Maybe. I sobbed harder and pushed again, if I really love him I won't give up on him. Not like what I did to Brent.

I pushed on his gut a couple more times before I felt Sam lurch forward and start throwing up shit. I began crying a mixture of tears of joy and tears of sadness; I never thought I would be so happy to hear Sam getting sick.

He leaned back and I turned his face towards me; we said nothing as he bursted into loud tears. He started sobbing but I knew all of the pills weren't out of his system. I got out of the shower and called 911.

"Hello what is you-"

"My boyfriend took sleeping pills, he needs help. Attempted suicide. Help, please." I gave them the address and I continued to cry. I heard Sam getting sick again and I ran over and rubbed his back as the water hit him; he cried harder and shivered.

"I'm so-"

"Shhh." I said crying and he leaned back and let the water hit his face as his hair stuck in all directions. I sighed and ran a hand through my wet hair.

I saved Sam?
You're not out of the woods yet.

I argued with myself until I heard people running up the stairs; paramedics got Sam on a gurney as I walked out. I heard more footsteps and Jc was the first one up, followed by Kian and the rest of O2L.

"What hap- oh my god, Sam." Kian said looking at Sam. I eyed his bloody wrists and shook my head, I feel my shoulders fall as I looked up at them.

"He tried to kill himself. I-it's my fault." I said crying again and Kian rubbed my shoulder. "Kian, please." I looked him in the eyes and he seemed to understand I didn't want to be messed with or bothered right now.

"It'll be okay." Jc sighed as they walked out of the room. "Need us to clean the mess, ma'am?" A paramedic asked referring to the bathroom. I nodded as I eyed the blood in the bathroom and they immediately got started before I could blink.

I sighed and walked downstairs slowly, some of the blood on the stairs present. My heart was still pounding and I couldn't think, all I knew is that Sam nearly succeeded at suicide. I didn't think he was that depressed; I didn't think his smile was that fake.
Wait, I thought.

Flashback
"Bye Sam." I said walking to the door with a whining Blue in my arms. I opened the door and sighed before looking back at Sam.

"I love you. Goodbye, Hazel." I shut the door and walked over to the O2L house.

I never thought twice about his words.

Flashback Over

That was it, that was how Sam was trying to tell me. He said goodbye and I never did think twice about it, that was his goodbye to me before he planned on killing himself.

I groaned and tears collected in my eyes again. I bit my lip and went into Sam's room, blood was on the wooden floor and I almost threw up right there. I gathered my emotions and made a mental note for the paramedics to clean that up.

I crawled onto Sam's bed and hugged his pillow, taking in the scent of him and his polo cologne. I let a tear fall before I saw a white envelope on the end of the bed.

I practically jumped to go over and pick it up. Hazel, it read on the back; I ripped open the envelope and it had two papers attached to it. All in Sam's handwriting.

Hazel
I'm sorry it's come to this. I'm sorry about the fights; the lies, the secrets, the cutting and im just sorry about this. My death. I know it's hard, but I love you Hazel. I remember on your birthday, your smile. You had the biggest and happiest smile on your face; I didn't. I smiled when you looked at me. I forgot how to smile, baby. I'll miss you. Please don't think that this is your fault; I know you will say that unless you already have because I know you best;) you're amazing babe and I never want you to forget it. If anything, I want you to know you can love again. Go out into the world and find someone to love; hell, go and date one of my friends. Nash is still single;)

I let out a small giggle but a sob came out after it. I clenched the papers in my hands as I read.

Anyways, Hazel. When you think of me, think of all the positive things we did or what we were going to do. I was going to make you mine forever one day, slip a ring on your finger and diss that damn promise ring. I wanted to see you in a white dress with a big goofy grin on your face and trip as you walk down the aisle. You smiled, didn't you? I hope you smile and don't stop smiling, I just want you to be happy. Maybe that means no fights, no lies, no secrets; no me. You're better off without me, Hazel. I just hope you didn't fall in love with me so deep; I just hope you didn't hurt yourself. Please don't kill yourself or anything to "be with me" as they say. I love you baby. I love you. I love you. I love you. I said hope a lot in these letters; want to know why? I did that because all you need is a little hope and love to get by in life and that's what you need. I just fell into depression is all and killed myself; damnit babe I'm sorry; I love you and don't forget it. Actually,
Don't Forget About Me.
xxx sammie

"I love you more, Sammie." I whispered.
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AHS MOMENT OOPS