an addiction is a funny thing to understand.
when people think of addictions, they think of drugs, alcohol, smoking, caffeine, painkillers... most things that are chemical related. there are various reasons, like curiosity, boredom, depression, to relieve stress, and i suppose addictions happen for different reasons.
i'm the kind of person that's addicted to people. i get attached to them, i start to formulate ideas in my mind on what they're like, what they'd say to me, and how they'd love me.
if i'm honest, you were my addiction, john.
i hate writing those words, but it's true.
your name bounced around in my mind at two a.m. when i needed something to distract my dark thoughts from plaguing every good thing inside me.
i wasn't in a good place, john. i'm still not, but it's better than it was.
and i don't need you anymore.
you hurt me.
that's the only way i can put it. i needed someone, and although you said you were there, and although you were there in my thoughts, i'd stay up until the early hours on the morning every single school night just to wait for your reply and you w e r e n ' t t h e r e.
it's took me nine months to grow some balls and shove you out of my life.
you were never a good friend, and i wish i had never pretended that you were.
yeah, i guess it was love. i suppose it was my first love, which completely sucks. i never knew love could be that powerful and persuasive, and i sincerely wish it wasn't.
if you can relate to any part of this book, with all the sadness and the desperation of hopelessly being in love... then it's probably gonna hurt a lot. but i can promise you that you're going to get through it, because there are other reasons to live.
i never regret telling people i love them, because i never lie about it, and i think it's important to let people know how much you love them.
but i do regret loving you.
