dear john,
it seems only natural to talk about the third - and most recent - time we "met". okay, so we actually talked on this occasion, but i think you were being nice because i was the 'newbie'.
the girl you were/are in love with was there, and she was your girlfriend. the girl who-liked-you-but-had-a-boyfriend-as-well was also there. and another girl who has no relevance in my life anymore, really. there was no boys there - yet.
you walked across the road, and your face was blank. i remember that, at least. you didn't even smile as you saw your girlfriend. i remember being bemused in my mind, but watching your girlfriend's face light up as she saw you coming. i guess she got tired of you not being happy, which is why she ended things. odd, because originally, i thought it would have been the other way round. after all, she was the one who attempted suicide.
you and her kissed briefly, and i giggled nervously, and said, "aww, isn't that cute." i believe you shot me a mocking death glare. i did not need to be introduced, you knew who i was, even though we'd barely met. which, i guess, means you did look at me the previous times.
another guy came along, and he hugged the girl who-liked-you-but-had-a-boyfriend-as-well and the girl who had no relevance and your girlfriend. i knew him from six months ago, but had never really warmed to him. he didn't hug me. another guy came, the girl who had no revelance's boyfriend.
and we stood there, for barely five minutes, talking. i didn't say much. after all, it was the first time i'd been invited to this after-school-thing-that-lasted-only-a-few-minutes-because-of-the-buses. and the only thing i can remember talking about was with you.
we were all in a circle, and they were having an inside joke about something. you turned round and flashed me a smile. i grinned awkwardly back. you said, "so. you alright?"
"yeah. thanks," i answered gratefully. i didn't get the chance to ask, 'and you?' because the conversation had moved towards you within the circle.
and that's all. i think i might have said "bye", but the memory is fragmented and has been pushed and pulled out of my mind and back again countless times.
the odd thing is, i still don't remember what you look like.
love, me.
