This Love || H.S.

Chapter One

The thunder boomed louder than it had all night. My body jerked and I was suddenly awake. I hadn't slept as well as I would've liked, due to the thunder crashing in a constant symphony of booms. My dreams didn't help much either. Maybe 'dream' wasn't the best word to describe the horrible images that were still playing through my mind, like I was still caught in the nightmare.

I craved the feel of something solid and real under my palms. I wanted to know that I was safe and awake and that I was no longer in the clutching claws of my terrible dreams. My left hand closed round the silky sheets of the bed, but my other hand hit something solid and warm, making a loud smack sound. It was my hand connecting with skin, with a body. There was someone in bed with me. I shrieked loudly before I remembered where I was and who I was with. I took a couple of deep breaths, trying to slow my racing heart. I sat up, turning and facing Harry to see him mirroring my position and returning my fear filled eyes with his own set of worry filled ones.

I hadn't meant to wake him. I felt a rush of guilt and anxiety freeze the blood in my viens. "I'm so sorry for waking you again." I said softly. I turned my teary eyes to my fingers, which were pulling at a loose string in the duvet. Harry reached over and took my hand into his, the feeling of his large hands wrapped around mine was a great comfort. "Please don't cry, it's your fault." He said soothingly, his voice hoarse from disuse. He laced the long, graceful fingers of his hand through my smaller, chubbier ones, bringing his other hand up to twist his fingers in my hair. He gave me a weak smile that I couldn't even try to return.

I knew that it wasn't my fault, but that didn't change the fact that I absolutely hated it. I slipped my fingers from Harry's and covered my face with both hands. Giving up, I surrendered to the tears. My small body shook with the sobs as the warm, wet tears slid down my face. Harry saw how upset I was and moved across the overly large bed, taking me into his arms. He gently traced loop-ty-loops on my back with his finger tips and allowed me to cry myself out with my face burried into the crook of his neck. "Just promise me you aren't going anywhere?" I asked messily, sniffling and squeezing my eyes shut tightly.

I was so tired of being afraid. I didn't want to feel this way anymore. I'd been this way for what seemed like endless years now. It had happened when I was eighteen and I was twenty one now . Three years should feel like a long time but it just didn't. It was as fresh in my memory as if it had happened yesterday. I absolutely hated for Harry to see me this way. I was always waking him up because of the nightmares and now he almost always had purple shadows under his eyes, highlighting how sleep deprived he was.

"Nox, baby, you're okay now. I promise, you're alright. You're stronger than you know. You've been fighting with this for so long and you've been so brave. You don't give yourself enough credit." He whispered his encouraging words into my ear and when I pulled away to look in his beautiful eyes, I saw that they shone with feirce determination and belief in me. Tears welled up in my eyes again, and he pulled me back into his chest, holding me even tighter than before. I stayed there for as long as it took for me to feel okay again, and he held me without question or complaint.

"Are you okay now?" He asked me after some time had passed. I'd stopped crying and my breathing had turned from erratic to somewhat normal. He offered me a small smile when I pulled my face from his chest and looked up at him. This time I was able to smile back. "I'm always okay as long as I've got you." I whispered, watching as the corners of his mouth tugged up a little higher and his tired eyes lit up with newfound happiness. He leaned forward, pressing a feather light kiss to my lips.

He pulled away slowly. "Do you wanna talk about it?" He asked gently, not wanting to upset me again. I shook my head quickly. "Not right now. I just want to feel better. Can we do something?" I smiled sheepishly at him. It was almost six in the morning. "What've you got in mind, babe? Maybe a film?" His suggestion was nice, but I knew of other things that would propperly distract me. I shook my head. "I could show you what I mean..." I let my sentence trail off, watching as the realisation of my words clicked in his beautiful mind. He smiled at me, his lips transgressing the line from sweet to mischevious in a matter of seconds. We were in the same mood. I ached to shove away all the hurt and replace it with Harry.

I leaned forward and gently kissed his pink lips once, twice.. I started to pull back, and he leaned forward, trying to keep my mouth captured with his. I gave him a long, open mouthed kiss. Then I pulled away completely. His eyes opened and he eyed me sharply, catching on. He tried to kiss me again and I dodged his sinfully angelic lips. "Damn it. You've always been a tease, y'know?" Now his voice wasn't husky from sleep, but from a mixture of annoyance and lust. I giggled, already in a much better mood.

The thought of the nightmare was still there, but barely. With Harry it was so easy to forget all the bad. I slipped myself into his lap, stradling him, squeezing my knees in, effectively holding his torso in place and trapping him there beneath me. I placed my hands on either side of his curly head, leaning down so that my face was hovering just above his. Our breath mingled as we looked at each other in silence.

"Can I ask you somethin', H?" I asked, knowing the answer would be yes. "Anything, my lovely Lennox." I smiled at his cheesey alliteration, adoring him even more than anyone could think possible. Suddenly, all thoughts of sex were gone. I didn't want that right now. I wanted to be reminded that I was safe with Harry. "Why do you love me?" I spoke quietly, almost whispering. It wasn't that I wanted to hear all the things he loved about me just for the sake of hearing it. I wanted to be reassured that he loved me through and through, even if I woke him up at half past 5 in the morning and I cried all the time. I wanted to know that he loved me even while I was broken and trying to fix myself.

Harry made a noise in the back of his throat, something like a laugh. His ungodly lips turned up into a wide smile, dimples prominent as ever. I furrowed my eyebrows. This most certainly wasn't a laughing matter. "First off, Niall has got dibs on Kate Beckinsale and Perrie and Zayn have declared the rest of the, uhm, Little Mix girls off limits. And Lou says I'm absolutely not allowed to date his sisters.. so really, I haven't got many options, have I?"

I sat up straight, punching his shoulder in mock anger. "Shut up!" I said, trying not to laugh. He laughed loudly, shaking his head. "In all seriousness, Nox, I love you because you're... Well, you're Lennox Liliane Kingsleigh and you're quite possibly the strongest and bravest person I've ever met. Not to mention you're extremely kind and whole hearted and you'd do anything for anyone. You're my best friend. And I know that you're afraid you'll wake up one morning and I'll be gone, but I could never do that. I need you too much. I'm too selfish to ever leave you. I know a lot of people have left before, but that doesn't mean I ever will. I'm here always. You're stuck with me, my love. Sorry." He smiled, squeezing my hips softly, as he looked up at me.

Of course, his speech took ages due to long pauses allowing him to think of what he would say next, or him taking the time to play with my fingers or a peice of my hair, or just because he's a slow and articulate speaker. But I loved that about him. Could I believe him? Could he possibly mean of that?

Of course I could believe him.

Of course he meant it.

Harry was one of the only people in the world I knew for a fact I could count on. I guess you could call him my rock, the sturdy stone holding me up in the middle of a wild, unforgiving ocean.

I rolled off of him to and lied next to his warm body. He took my hand in his again and soon he had fallen back asleep. I knew sleep was out of the question for me, but I was just as content listening to Harry's slow breathing while I watched sunlight slowly seep through the windows as a new day began.