Together As One

What hope is there?

[Hwasa POV]

Today was Twit's 1st win, Hwasa's first solo win on stage. It felt amazing, it felt surreal. "I can't believe it, I really don't deserve this love from our dearest moomoos..." I thought to myself. I know I was supposed to be happy about the win but something in me just couldn't allow myself to be completely joyful. I walked back to my waiting room and the staff all greeted me cheerfully congratulating me. I was immensely thankful and continuously bowed down in gratitude.

"You've done a good job Hyejin ah... I'm proud of you." Woosung oppa our producer texted.

I chuckled to myself silently before replying him.

"Thank you, but no way oppa... I have to thank you for helping me so much with Twit and really, I'm still not satisfied with my performance today..."

I hurriedly typed a reply and sighed to myself.

How could I possibly to standing here being all negative and downcast internally when the mood in this room is so high? Ahn Hyejin, you have to get yourself together now, don't let your pessimism and worries spoil the celebratory mood right now.

Suddenly, the door to my waiting room opened and I heard a voice that I would never not recognise.

"Congratulations, congratulations, congratulation lation lation all to you!!!! Ya! Our Hyejinnie is 1st today!!!!!! Yayyyyy!!!!!" Wheein barges into the room with a cake and belts away.

I smile slightly before taking the cake from her and thanking her profusely as well as our manager-nim standing at the door grinning away at us.

"Hehe, thank you my Wheepup ah, and our manager-nim!!!" I sincerely say and blow the single candle on the cake, amused at all the celebration for my 1st solo win.

As I sat the cake down on the table, I felt myself let go a breath I didn't know I was holding. I felt my tensed shoulders sink for a moment and felt a shadow hovering around my back, cast down on the table. Then, I felt a back hug and I immediately relaxed a bit.

"You don't know how proud I am of you..." Wheein whispered into my ear gently.

I didn't reply her with much of a response except a nod and just a low tone of acknowledgment.

"Hyejin ah... are you okay?" I stiffened again as I heard Wheein ask into my ear softly, gently trying to turn my position to face her directly. My mouth automatically forced out a strained smile and assured her I was fine.

"Eh, I'm fine, I'm good. Just thinking about something. But it doesn't matter, let's be happy now yeah? Come on, let me feed you some cake." Sure... I couldn't even believe the words I was saying. Sure it didn't matter, or did it... Hyejin, you should know better, you know it matters so much to you and you will pay the price for keeping it in again later when you have time alone. Ah, inner thoughts, you've got to stop.

[Wheein's POV]

Hmm... my Hyejinnie looked a little down today... that's odd, furthermore, she won!!! She shouldn't really be upset about anything now? Now I was worried.

I wrapped my arms cautiously around her tiny waist and congratulated her again, showering her with simple praises from the heart. I was so very proud of her and I knew the other unnies were as well. We all were.

I felt a strange negative vibe around her and knew something was up.

Oh no, I thought to myself, I can't let her drown in this ocean of negativity alone this time.

The fake smile she flashed, no way, I know her too well, and I know she knows I can tell it was a cover up for her true feelings. I decided to let her take her time to open up to me about whatever matter was bothering her tonight. After being best friends, or rather soul mates with her for more than a decade, it was no secret that we were both very reserved characters generally, preferring to put up a strong front rather than sharing our problems with others. Hyejinnie would share, sooner or later, I just hope it was the former, but I'll give her the space first.

[Hwasa's POV]

/In the car on the way back to my apartment/

Wheein had left before me having to rush back home to feed Ggomo. I let out a soft chuckle as I thought about that girl and her young little kitten. She completely adored that fella and doted so much on it. As soon as I alighted from the vehicle and waved goodbye to my manager, I turned around and face the building, letting out another long sigh.

I felt my body crash onto the bed in the living room and I immediately took out my phone and starting surfing the web, with an objective. I typed furiously and finally found what I was looking for - my music video. I took a deep breath and I knew this was it, I shouldn't be doing it, but I was, I just had to, almost as if I had to prove something to myself.

"Let's see if my guess right then" I muttered to myself. The plain silence in the house rang back at me. I scrolled to the comments section and began reading each comment seriously.

The more I read, the more intense my feelings became. There were some really sweet comments and I 100% appreciated those uplifting comments, but my mind could only focus on the hate comments. Each of them lingering in my mind, staying in my memory.

Why is she even in Mamamoo? She is just ruining their image.

Ya I don't get it, what does the company of her members see in her, like seriously?

Her solo win doesn't mean anything, she probably tried to flirt with the staff and seduced them to let her win.

She shouldn't even be a singer, much less a kpop idol, so ugly, so fat, what is she trying to prove by coming out with a solo song.

These type of comments filled my screen. I felt my eyes begin to water.

I knew it, I knew people would hate my song, the win doesn't mean anything. They are right, I'm causing more damage to the group, I'm ruining the future of my members. I'm ugly, I'm fat, I'm just a nobody trying to be a somebody in this industry. I set my phone on my bed and cried harder. I knew this would happen. I knew I would break, but I just wanted to see, to give myself some hope that maybe there would not be hate comments like these this time. I guess I was so wrong again. The haters were still there, and they just kept coming at me stronger and harsher each time.