Together As One

Please let us help you

[Solar's POV]

As we waited in the dance room for Hyejin to arrive, I couldn't help but feel extremely nervous. There was a lot of responsibility to take on especially right now as the leader and as Hyejin's unnie.

"Hello! I'm 5 minutes early today! Hehehe!" Hyejin enters the room and greets us all cheerily.

My heart aches as I see her pretending to be strong and alright.

"Oh? Good job to you Hyegi... Come over, we were in the midst of discussing something." I greet her and motion for her sit down on the floor with us.

"Hyejin ah, you know Wheeinie, Byulie and unnie here love you and treasure you right?" She nods her head slowly with a puzzled look on her face.

"And you know we really care for you right?" She nods again this time with a tinge of hesitation as though she was not sure of her answer.

"Hyejin ah. We need to ask you. Yesterday, Doctor Lee told me something after yall went off to the car first. She says, she suspects you have bulimia. Is that true?" I say slowly while trying to sound as calm as possible.

[Hwasa's POV]

As soon as I heard that question, I was stunned. Oh no, what excuse can I use now? I frantically digged through my brain for a response.

"Oh... uhm... no? I don't have... that... bulimia? I... definitely don't have that. I just was dieting. It's not biggie." I stutter as I reply.

I felt my body heating up, the stupid voices in my head were striking again. I could feel blood rushing to my head, as I began to feel light-headed.

You think they really care for you?

You think you are worth their care?

They are just pretending. Every single one of them. Why would they care about a loser and beast, a disgusting creature like you.

You know what you need to do now. Escape. Escape this.

"Hyejinnie..." Moonbyul unnie takes my hand and opens it, palm facing down. Her eyes open wide and I suddenly realise the meaning behind that.

"Hyejin ah, we know you've been forcing yourself to throw up the food you eat after pretending you ate something. Why do this to yourself?" Solar unnie says while her voice shakes a little.

Guilt overwhelms me. I felt defensive and pressured. The voices were killing me. They were overpowering me.

"YOU THINK I WANT TO DO THIS? I DON'T WANT TO THIS EITHER. BUT I HAVE TO. I NEED TO. I'M NOT PRETTY, I'M UGLY, I'M FAT, I'M INHUMANE AND DESERVING OF DEATH. I JUST WANT EVERYTHING TO STOP." I stood up and suddenly raised my voice.

I was shocked at myself for raising my voice. The feelings just crashed onto me that I couldn't control myself. I saw the look of hurt and pain in the 3 pairs of eyes staring at me and felt immense guilt.

"Hyejin please..." Wheein starts.

"No. Don't." I said with a shaky voice and took my bag and ran out.

All that was in my head was to run. Run as far as I could from the room. So I ran to my house.

I ran out of the agency building without turning back, ignoring the calls and shouts for me. I couldn't do it anymore. I fled to the lift and rapidly pressed the button to go up to my floor. I squat down as the lift travelled up the building. My head was spinning. My vision was clouded with tears that continuously rained down my face.

As soon as the lift doors opened, I rushed to my apartment and locked the door shut. I went to the toilet to seek refuge. The toilet had a safe haven for me each time I felt like that. Each time the voices overpowered my rationality in my head, I hid in the toilet, hoping for the moment of difficulty to pass fast.