Together As One

Deja Vu?

[Wheein's POV]

When Hyejin went to visit the washroom after we joined our unnies in the dance room, I quickly filled them in.

"Hyejin's a little off right now because the session was a little overwhelming I think. But she is fine. Just needs some time to register some things. Dr Lee also gave her anti-depressants, the same as I had been administered before, but she also gave anxiety pills to her because her panic attacks were worsening. We just need to make sure she eats them. And... most importantly, provide her a safe circle."

Yong Sun unnie and Byulie unnie nod their heads just as Hyejin enters the room.

"Let's resume practicing!" Byulie unnie says excitedly and we enthusiastically join in.

As we practice, I keep note of Hyejin's movements from the corner of my eye. She was moving with great energy as always, making it a point to give it her all in everything she did. Whenever she was tired or sick, she would still put in her infinite amount of effort into every single performance. That was the dedicated Hyejin I knew.

After practice ended, Yong Sun unnie suggests going for dinner.

"I'm too tired unnie" Hyejin whines a little. Oh, how adorable she looks when she pouts.

"Ey... uh... then we can order delivery to your place?" Byulie unnie offers an alternative, looking expectantly at Hyejin for a response.

The youngest looks up at the ceiling for a brief moment as though thinking through thoroughly. She nods and the 3 of us cheer.

As we pack up the room, I remind Hyejin to take her medicine.

"Jinnie ah... take her medicine now... Dr Lee said 3 times a day remember... now it's time for the evening one already, it's already 7pm, slightly late." I nag gently.

She looks at me, with eyes pleading to not take the medicine.

"No Hyejin. You have to take it. It's to help you feel better sooner." I say firmly, knowing if I let myself, she will get her way, so I had to be firm.

She pouts before reluctantly popping the pill into her mouth, making a face to show how bad the pill tasted.

I chuckled to myself. Hyejin was always very sensitive towards smells and tastes, so even the slightest bitterness would activate her gag reflex.

"Good girl hehe" I pat her head and she frowns as me, sulking away.

Soon, the unnies return and we all head towards our apartment building.

"Let's change up to comfortable pajamas first and meet back at Hyejinnie's place in 10 minutes." Our leader says and we agree.

"Hyejin... i'll just go straight to your place, besides, I have a whole cupboard of my clothes there." I laugh and she nods silently.

We approach Hyejin's apartment and she unlocks the door, moving aside to let me in first before taking her shoes in, chucking them at one side of the entrance.

I immediately head towards her dressing room to take my pajamas. Both of us crashed and camped over at each other's house so often that we decided to just have mutiple sets of clothes in each other's apartment for convenience sake. But even if we didn't have our own clothes, we could simply just pick out any piece of clothing since sharing clothes was perfectly normal to us.

I change up and walk out to see Hyejin opening a can of beer, slouching on the sofa. I frowned. Dr Lee had already reminded us that alcohol was a depressant and could trigger her negative emotions. I walk up to her and try to take the can away, just like how she had done so last year for me.

/FLASHBACK/

I was all alone in my apartment, I refused to turn on any lights or draw the curtains, keeping the house as dark as possible. Times like this were when I just wanted to drown myself in alcohol and let the bitter after taste linger on in my throat, like a disinfectant for the open wounds in my body.

As I took another sip of soju, I heard loud banging on the door.

"Wheein? Whee! Whee! I know you're in there, can you let me in?" I heard the familiar calming voice.

That voice always calmed me down when I was feeling down or depressed but this time, I refused to budge. I continued sipping on the soju, letting tears roll down my cheeks as I recalled how awful my performance was.

I had always been insecure about myself, my singing abilities, dancing abilities, drumming abilities, or anything about myself for that matter. And Hyejin? She had always been there to reassure me I was good and perfect in her eyes. Reminding me constantly that I was enough. More than enough. But it was just so hard to believe when everyone else in the world was telling me otherwise, especially that tiny voice in my mind.

"Wheein please?" I heard that same voice calling my name again. I sighed deeply. I knew this would hurt her but I couldn't bring myself to see her now. Or let her see me in this state. I looked so pathetic and awful.

Seconds later, I hear the door slam open and see that slender figure with hair that was in a mess. She looked like she had ran a marathon, hair flying all over, her face flushed red, eyes darting around anxiously while still staring at me.

"Wheein!!" She ran over and snatched the soju bottle out of hand fiercely.

I opened my mouth to protest but she shut me up.

"No Wheein. Dr Lee already reminded you many times earlier that you are strictly not to drink alcohol at all. It's going to trigger you." She sits down beside me, holding my hands and looking at me in the eye while saying that.

"I... I need to numb myself for a while..." I manage to squeeze out with tears still rolling down my face.

"Oh Wheein..." She pulls me into a hug and I only sob louder. Her warm hands gently pat my head and I nuzzle closer into her chest. The familiar smell of her shampoo brought much security and comfort to me.

/END OF FLASHBACK/

I failed to take the beer can out of her grip.

"Hyejin... you know what Dr Lee said right?" I say slowly knowing this was a very similar situation.

"I need to... I need to forget... Just a bit please Wheein..." She begs and brings the beer can to her lips.

My gaze at her softens and I let her take a sip before pulling the beer can out of her hand gently. I place the can on the glass table softly and look at her. Using my hand, I lfit her chin up and make eye contact. Her eyes are watery and tears were threatening to spill. I could see the hurt in her eyes, pain seeping out of her soft gaze. I slowly pull her in for a hug. I hear her tiny cries fill my ears and I feel her tightly gripping on to my waist. I too hug her tighter, patting her back, oblivious to the 2 unnies standing at the open door staring at us.