Together As One

One achievement at a time

[Wheein's POV]

After that day, Hyejinnie was able to refrain from mutilating herself for about a week. I was proud of her knowing how stressed she was given the hectic schedule she had. It was hectic enough a schedule that us Mamamoo had, but she had additional solo programmes to attend such as various award ceremonies to prepare for, variety programmes to guest on, as well as having to prepare to be a live emcee for the MBC 2019 Entertainment Awards. I looked over to my side and saw her peaceful baby face sleeping on the couch, body tucked together tightly. I used my hand and gently sweeped some of her baby hair away from her eyes. I couldn't help but smile knowing how hard it was for her to control her urges.

/FLASHBACK/

I was staying over at Hyejinnie's place again tonight. Throughout today's late night practice, she had been looking really drained and bothered, as though something was bugging her. When we were busy cracking jokes with our MMMTV unnie, she was just sitting in one corner staying blankly. It was normal for Hyejinnie to be quiet and not talk a lot but usually she would still try to joke around with us and play along with MMMTV unnie, but today, she was as cold as ice, fragile as glass. It felt as though if someone were to push her over the line she would crack.

When the camera was turned off I felt someone pull me over to one side.

"Wheein ah... is Hyejin alright today? She seems a little off... I know I was just taking videos earlier as part of work but I noticed she didn't really interact with yall today..." MMMTV unnie whispers to me worriedly.

I shrug my shoulders. I was worried but I also knew I couldn't get much from her now.

"I don't know unnie... I think she's just having a bad day... I'll check in on her later..." I reply her, trying to make her less worried.

I walk over to Hyejin and sit down beside her. We were preparing to go back home after finishing practice. I gestured to her unnies and manager to wait for us in the vehicle first. After they left, I got up and shifted myself to be seated as close to her as possible, leaving no space in between the both of us. Still she did not move, seeming as though she did not even notice my presence beside her. I recognised with situation. Whenever she was reaching her limit and could not take it anymore she would have such a reaction and just shut everyone out.

"Jinnie... what's going on in that beautiful mind of yours? Hmm...? Are you alright dearie?" I ask her softly, careful not to raise my tone even slightly in case I break her suddenly. I place my hand on her arm and use my thumb to rub her wrist gently. I take note of the slightly rough bumps that come from the healing wounds.

Without answering me, she lifts her head from it's bent down position and looks at me straight in the eye. Her eyes were red and glassy, small streaks of tears slipping out of her eyes and rolling down to her pink soft lips. Before I can say anything, she gets up and takes her phone, walking hurriedly away from me.

I knew exactly the message she was trying to send me - 'I need help. It's so hard for me to think straight now.' Without wasting another second, I jumped up and chased after her. When I catch up to her and we board the vehicle, I exchange concerned glances with our unnies. I give them a knowing smile to reassure them that I could handle the situation. Through the car ride from the practice venue to our apartment, my best friend continued to keep to herself, not contributing at all to the conversation in the car we were having. Occasionally I take a few glances at her and see her staring out of the tinted window with her earpieces plugged in. Her music as usual at the maximum volume.

When we reached her house, I helped to lock the door as she went straight to the toilet and I heard the door close. I quickly put down my things beside hers and rush over. The door was left ajar with a tiny gap and I pushed it open. There she was sobbing and heaving loudly with the loud music still blasting into her ears. My heart shattered. I understood how hard it must have been to be feeling such intense emotions yet having to contain them first. I hugged her tightly and rocked her slowly, gently pulling out her earpieces to re-orientate her. The music she was listening to was so sad and depressing, she needed to be brought away from the emotions of the song (Lonely by Jonghyun and Taeyeon). After a while, her crying stopped and she was only sniffling away.

"Hyegi ah... what happened?" I ask her cautiously, planting small kisses on her forehead.

"I... Whee... it was so hard... I wanted to cut... so much... but I don't... want to disappoint you all... I'm sorry... it was just too much... my mind just caved in to... the voices and I'm so tired of fighting away... the haters everyday..." She struggles to voice out her thoughts.

I felt a few warm tears roll down my cheeks.

"Ah.. my baby girl... my soul mate... I'm so proud of you for resisting the urges okay... It's okay. You don't have to be sorry. You aren't a disappointment and will never be alright. Remember that. And you're stronger than you think. Those haters have nothing better to do. They need to get a life. Don't worry. I'm always here to protect you okay baby... I'm so proud of you..." I cheer her and continue hugging her tightly as I felt her tighten the hug.