Together As One

Willingly Vulnerable

[Hyejin's POV]

I'm broken. I'm hurt. I can't see light at the end of my tunnel. I don't want to die, but to live hurts me.

I looked into my diary. I wrote it 3 days ago after drinking a whole bottle of soju. I never knew that my tolerance was so high. I looked over at Wheein who was sitting on the sofa staring at her phone, and the unnies who were in the kitchen discussing something. I sighed to myself.

You're so useless you know? Why are you trying to pretend you're a good person? You hurt your unnies. You hurt Wheein. You didn't take care of Wheein. Look at her, she's broken too. Do you really think you are of any worth? You really think you can stop being worthless and helpless? You can't run away from the truth forever Hyejin. You deserve to be like this now.

The voice was back again. I gripped onto my diary tighter, trying to resist the urge to scream, cry or hurt myself. I will myself to close my eyes and breathe but I could feel my chest hurting, wanting to burst and break.

"Wheein... help..." I cry out softly, trying my best to fight the voice in my head while trying to make it a point to seek help.

"Fuck! Unnies!!!!" I hear Wheein yell for the unnies before she wrapped her arms around me tightly.

"It's okay Hyejinnie... I'm here, you're safe with me okay..." She rocks me and I try to breathe.

Her scent calmed me down. My best friend was here with me. My partner in life... I let a tear roll down my cheek.

[Wheein's POV]

I was trying to distract myself from the current situation by aimlessly scrolling through my phone. Occasionally though, I stole a glance or two in the direction of where Hyejin was sitting. She was staring into her diary. That diary. The one containing all her painful thoughts. A shiver went down my spine as I thought about how much hurt Hyejin must have drowned herself in while writing in that diary for the past few weeks. Suddenly, I heard a soft pained voice calling me. I shot up and turned in the direction of the voice.

Hyejin?! Her knuckles were turning white from how tightly she was gripping her diary, her head buried in her knees, her body trembling.

I did the first thing that came to my mind, call for the unnies then give her a hug. ..

I wrapped my arms around her, whispering things in her ear to calm her down. Her body started to shake and I could hear her crying. My heart broke feeling the way her body broke down.

Why her? Why did the stupid haters even target her in the first place? I hate you dumb antis. You ruined her. You made her like this. She did nothing to deserve this. She's a literally angel, pure-hearted, kind, genuine, caring. The list of her good qualities is endless.

"The voices... they keep coming back... I want them to go away... I'm scared..." Hyejin says with great vulnerability in each of her words.

Even though we have been the best of friends for the past 12 years, I was so very grateful for her willingness to be vulnerable with me. To let me into her mind, her heart, to trust me with her darkness. I continue hugging her tightly, willing myself to not cry. It wasn't time for me to break as well. I needed to protect her like how she had always protected me.

[Yongsun's POV]

When I heard Wheein yell for us, I immediately stopped the discussion we were engaged in and ran towards the living room. I look for the 2 maknaes and found Wheein hugging a curled up and shaking Hyejin.

"What's wrong Hyejin ah?" I gently ask her, placing a hand over hers, trying to slowly loosen her tight grip on the diary. The diary gradually slides off her grip onto the floor and I hurriedly pass it to Byulie who was kneeling beside me.

"Voices... they hurt... Pain... Die..." Hyejin sobbed out. I felt a heartwrenching ache in my chest when I heard how broken she sounded. How many times had she struggled alone like this? How many times had she courageously fought through her darkness alone? My mind drifted to the times we saw the nasty comments and I was furious. How could this people even do such an inhumane thing?! They broke her. Her pure heart and mind. Her sanity.

[Byul's POV]

I watched as Yongsun unnie tried to take the dangerous diary away from Hyejinnie's hands. Stupid book. It wasn't that the book was stupid but those thoughts were just lies. Hyejin is definitely nothing like those thoughts are telling her. Unnie passes me the book and I tossed it aside out of reach. I didn't want to see the book at the moment. All it did was irritate me, making me want to destroy those people who caused our Hyegi to have such thoughts in the first place. Her sobs were heart piercing. I knew Manager unnie had previously spoken to Yong San unnie and myself about what the counsellor had told her about our maknaes. She shared with us that while Wheein's recovery seemed to be going relatively smoothly, we needed to be careful because her relapse signs were much less obvious. Hyejin on the other hand... I remember the sad look on Manager unnie's face when she was talking about Hyejin.

"It's not going to be a smooth recovery for Jinnie... she's.. going to have to fight a lot with her mind and she can't fight alone, no matter how much she closes herself up, she cannot fight alone. The other day, the therapist shared with me that based on their counselling sessions, Hyejin still has suicidal thoughts... I didn't want to bring this up because it's still quite a touchy topic but I need you unnies to try and watch out for them. Both Wheein and Hyejin. If something goes wrong, it doesn't matter what time it is, what day it is, or what exactly happened. Just tell me. And if you 2 need anything, I'll be here to listen too. If yall want to speak to someone, tell me too okay? I know it's a lot to ask, and you all are already so tied down with schedules but I think yall are as worried as I am about those 2 young girls..."

I recall the concerned look plastered on Manager unnie's face. She was really tired too, running here and there for us girls. She cared for us like how a mother would... loving us for who we were.

I brought myself back to the situation in front of my eyes. Hyejin's face was lifted up now. Her eyes red and puffy, soulless and to say the least, she looked like an empty shell.

"Hyejin ah... let us love you and don't hide yourself from us okay? We want to protect you. So please please, let us protect you like how we should. Like how you deserve to be protected."