Thank You, Universe

The beginning

I couldn't sleep, like most nights. I just kept on thinking about what they'd think about me if they knew. How would they react?

It was, what we called in space, about 1 a.m. After sitting on my bed being consumed by my thoughts for what felt like hours I decided to get up. I thought to just head to the training deck for a while to make the most of my time. I was about to put my binder on when I just thought,"eh it's late no ones gonna be up anyway." There's my secret. I was born in the wrong body. I was born, "Keisha." I always hated that name. I left my room quietly and headed for the training deck.

I was training with the bot lost in thought. Apparently so much to the point that I didn't notice when the door to the training deck opened. Pidge stared at me while leaning against the doorframe. "Ahem," they said unamused and unaware about what was about to happen. I froze right there.

"Stop training sequence." I looked at Pidge not knowing what to say. They seemed to notice my dilemma. Breaking the silence by saying,"soooo.... Keith," they started,"you're trans?" I finally looked at them and just chuckled nervously not really wanting to lie. "Umm yeah I am," I said rubbing the back of my neck.

They looked at me and just nodded. I don't necessarily know why but we both just looked around avoiding eye contact. They looked up at me. "You know what, screw it. So am I, Keith. Follow me." I did so without hesitation.

Once we got to Pidge's room we started talking. I don't know why but I felt strangely comfortable around them. "I have a question," Pidge started, "wanna go raid the kitchen?" They asked. I looked at them to see a glint in their eyes. They were met with the same thing as I was starving.

"....yes," I said quietly after a moment. "Yay! Okay let's go!" They said jumping out of bed practically dragging me out of their room. We stopped outside of the kitchen, looked at each other, then ran into it. I first went to the 'pantry' trying to find something that resembled chips or chocolate.

Pidge went to the 'freezer' looking for ice cream. I looked up a little to see a bag in a foreign language I was guessing was Altean. I grabbed the bag, some space cookies out of the jar, and headed off to Pidge. They had already gotten two bowls with spoons in them filled with loads of chocolate and vanilla ice cream.

"Crap, Pidge, I think I bled through," I sighed, shaking my head. Pidge just nodded in understanding, already moving to pick up the ice cream. "Let's bring this stuff to my room then get you to a bathroom," they said chuckling softly. I grabbed some of the food while Pidge grabbed the others as we began our short walk back.

"Guys?" I turned around slowly, as I recognized the voice.

I looked at Pidge panicked. "Hey... Lance," Pidge said trying to not sound suspicious but failing miserably. "Whatchya doing up so late?" Pidge asked him while I just stood there half turned. "I could ask you the same thing Pidgeon... and Keith," he said slowly. I looked at Pidge sending them a mental thought.

We looked at each other then Lance, then just booked it sprinting to their room. Lance didn't catch on til we were half way down the hall. He started chasing us. "Guys! What're you doing?! Stop!" He said trying to catch up with us. Unfortunately for both of us shorties, he's tall and lanky. So he caught up with us with ease.

Pidge's door came into our view as we were still running. I looked behind me only to see Lance's arms reach and grab my shoulder. I dropped the chips and cookies. He pushed me against a wall bending down to catch his breath. "Why...were you guys.... running," he said in between breathes. He finally looked up at me, meeting my eyes.

He blushed a hard red as we held eye contact. We made eye contact as I started tearing up. I pushed passed him grabbing the junk food and running inside Pidge's room. 'He knows,' 'he's going to tell everyone,' 'he probably thinks I'm disgusting.' "Keith." I looked up to see a concerned looking Pidge. "Are you okay? You're crying," they said. I brought my fingers up to feel my cheeks but was just met with tears I hadn't realized I'd been crying. "Yeah I'm fine... I'm... fine," I said trying to comprehend what just happened.

"Kei-" Lance started from outside the closed door but I cut him off. "Go away Lance," I said in a stern voice trying to hide the fact that I was terrified right now. "I'm sorry," I heard him whisper sadly from outside. Then all that followed was his footsteps distending down the hall back to his room. 

Pidge looked at me and said,"let's get you some clean clothes shall we?"

"Yes please," I tried smiling at them, though I came out looking more like a grimace. Pidge handed me a tissue, which I was grateful for. Wiping my tears, I fixed my hair to be out of my face and stood up tall.

'It's okay. You're okay.'