Done

CHAPTER 1

I was here again.

Alone

Staring down the toilet bowl.

The cold tiles burning my skin making this already shit situation feel even more dire. Why the fuck do I do this every time?

I doubled over as another wave of cramping began. I felt the bile rise up my throat. My head disappeared down the white porcelain bowl as I continued to empty the contents of my stomach.

I could never just go out and enjoy myself, get pissed like everyone else. No, I always had to fuck my night up by sniffing my way through the blow that Jake always seemed to have to hand.

I tried to stand but my legs were numb from kneeling on the floor for so long. I should be sad that no one had noticed I had gone for so long. Honestly though, I was glad. I couldn't stand another lecture; see the looks of despair or disappointment.

I had no excuse for the shit I had pulled. I grew up in a normal home. I had parents who cared deeply for me. I had an older brother who would lay his life down for me. I went to a good school. Had good friends. I never wanted for anything. Life was just 'good'.

I was just shit at life.

I pulled myself up using the toilet roll holder. It creaked under the enormous amount of weight I was putting on it. I could barely pull myself up.

As I finally stood, I pulled my dress from where it had been wedged around my waist. I leaned my head against the door praying that no one had heard me chucking my guts down the toilet. Even if they did, I've no doubt that they'd think I was just drunk and couldn't handle it.

I pulled open the lock. I wasn't shocked at the reflection I saw looking back at me. It was a sight I was familiar with. Smeared lipstick. Flushed cheeks. Streaky mascara. I should be horrified.

I wasn't.

The dull bathroom lights flickered and I heard the loud thudding reminding me of where I was.

I stared in the mirror and tried to make myself look more presentable. My ice blonde hair had long since lost its beach wave that I'd spent well over an hour trying to do before I left. I splashed water on face and gulped a hand full down trying to get rid of the evidence of being sick.

"It'll have to do" I muttered.

I walked across the tiled floor. My spiked heels sounding more than a sledgehammer to my head rather the click that they were actually making. I pulled open the door and was blasted with the heat coming from the club. 

"Hey beautiful" Jake said sliding his arm around the back. How the fuck did he know I was in the bathroom. Had he been waiting for me? The loud thud of the music started to take over my brain making it slightly easier to forget the disaster that I had become.

"You stalking me?" I shouted back at him. 

A smile spread across his face "Is that really the way to speak to the guy who keeps you in your happy place?"

I knew I shouldn't be a bitch to him, he always showed up when I wanted him to and never pushed for anything more than what we had. I put my arms around his neck and kissed underneath his ear. Something I knew drove him a little insane.

"You know I'm joking" I whispered in his ear.

I ignored the bile rising again as he groped my ass. I looked around the club I had found myself in. There was absolutely nothing special about this place. Bodies packed in together, a pungent smell that filled your nostrils as soon as you walked in and people dancing like they gave zero fucks about the fact that they were in public. Considering it was a Thursday night, the place was packed. Apparently London was filled with people just like me, people just wanting an escape to life.