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CHAPTER 8

It felt like all the breath had been sucked out of my lungs. He had a furious frown plastered across his face. This was not going to be a happy conversation. I was immobile but my body screamed at me to run. By the look on his face I should have listened to my body.

He stepped towards me. I moved backwards but found I had nowhere to go. With a few large strides he had me pinned to the wall. His arms either side of my face. His closeness made me feel uncomfortable. In the years we'd known each other, we had been this close many times but not like this. Not with pure anger running through his veins.

"I didn't realise the sweet girl who used to give me her blue Smarties because she knew I liked them was a massive whore" he sneered at me.

I momentarily recoiled at his words. Then the anger rose and poured out of me. I pushed hard at his chest. Clearly he didn't expect that as she stumbled back but quickly righted himself getting straight back in my face.

"Well you wouldn't realise anything because you weren't fucking here! Who do you think you are judging me when you couldn't even be arsed to tell your best friend you were leaving."I was on my tiptoes so I could get right in his face.

"So I leave and suddenly you get a personality transplant? Fucking men against the wall and taking drugs. What the fuck Tilly?"

"Fuck you!" I screamed at him.

"Does your brother know what his little sister is up to? Mike'd be disgusted! I'm disgusted! You and me are talking now. I'm not fucking waiting." He went to grab my hand but I pulled away before he could reach it.

"No, you and I aren't anything. Forget you saw me tonight. Forget I even exist. You can go back to doing what ever the fuck you've been doing and I can go back to whoring myself and taking drugs." I snapped back. He winced at my words. 

"Tilly there is so much more to this. I need to explain some things." His voice was much calmer and softer but the damage had been done. I needed to get away.

"The time for explaining was a year ago." I stormed off down the corridor back towards the main area of the club. Luke didn't follow me. I felt like everyones eyes were on me. There were people everywhere. I needed to not be here any more! I scanned all over the club but I couldn't see Jake anywhere. This was not the night I had wanted. Why was he even here? As much as I wanted to hear his explanation in that moment I also didn't care. 

I barged past people to get over to where we had been sat and picked up my bag. I noticed Jake's coat was still on his chair. He always had a bag of something in his coat pocket. I rummaged round. My hand touched the plastic bag and I knew I'd found what I was looking for.I pulled it out and quickly stashed it in my clutch. Standing up straight, I smoothed my dress out as if that made any difference to the anger I felt inside. If Jake was too busy on his phone I'd have fun on my own.

I stalked towards the one room in this club that I could be alone. The one place I could become to numb to everything I was feeling. I reached the bathroom and slammed the door open. What a disaster the night had been. Jake was showing glimpses of emotions that I hadn't seen before. The look on his face when were dancing was more than just lust. The words he had said when we were having sex against the wall were like a different person saying them. Had I completely misjudged him for the last year. Was it me just me that was using him for something and not a two way thing like I had assumed? 

Then there was Luke. So many questions swam around my head. Why was he meeting Jake? When he spoke to him he and called it product it sounded like he was involved somehow. Then him repeating that he needed to talk to me. Was he finally going to explain what had taken him away from me all those years ago? I was dizzy with the thoughts. 

Thankfully, all the cubicles were empty. I chose one and locked the door. I dropped the lid and set up getting as much coke into my system that I could manage before I lost control of my limbs. Line after line, I snorted the white powder up, my anger slowly seeping away with each one. When I could take no more, I kneeled on the cold tiles and lay my head on the lid. My eyes closed and a felt a wave of relief sweeping over me.

My body started to tingle all over. This was where I was happiest. My mind was emptying and I could feel myself start to relax. I don't know how much time passed but it felt like an age, I just lay with my head down on the lid of the toilet, eyes closed and not thinking of anything. It was heaven. 

"Why the hell are you like this, you have no reason to get this way" Mike had once said to me when he had seen me out, clearly high. He was of course right. There were no reasons, I had no excuses. Life was just difficult for me. I never really knew how to deal with things. So I didn't. I relied on the people around me to do that for me. This was great as a 16 year old , having a best friend and a big brother to sort your shit out but as an adult I was fucking hopeless.  Truly hopeless! 

This had only become worse when Luke left. He was always the one person I could talk to about anything or the person I would go to when I needed help. Then when I met Jake, he'd shown me another way to deal with things. To become numb to them.  I was dragged out of these thoughts as my body was lifted off the seat and I was turned towards a light. Even with my eyes closed it burned. The plastic bag that I was clutching that was close to empty was ripped from my hand. 

"Fuck! What the fuck have you done Tilly" someone shouted at me, but I couldn't quite find the energy to open my eyes. They started to shake my body vigorously, the heaviness that overwhelmed my body was just too difficult too shift. 

"Open your eyes! Talk to me!" It sounded like Jake, but he wouldn't care enough to have come looking for me. Maybe if I just lay here they'd leave me be. I didn't need anyone worrying over me. I knew my limits. I may have done more than usual in a short space of time but I would be fine.

"Shit, call an ambulance. Come on Tilly, I know you're still in there. Just open your eyes!" the voice sounded desperate. I was wrapped up in someones arms and they began to rock whilst they stoked my hair. It was an intimate act that I wasn't expecting. 

"Tilly, baby, please just wake up!" they pleaded softly. I just wanted to be left alone. I let the darkness take over me, I felt peace.

That was the last part of the night I remembered. 

************Luke*************

What the fuck had I just witnessed. 

This was not what was supposed to happen. I had assumed Tilly would have started a relationship with that dick not just casually fuck him. I was becoming more and more concerned with everything I was seeing, I needed to tell her exactly what was going on before it went too far. I had never shouted at Tilly before, I'd called her a fucking whore! I loved that girl with every ounce of my being and I'd called her a whore. 

Being that close to her after just watching her for a year was too much. I had been desperate to drag her back to my place but I couldn't. That would have blown it all. 

What the hell had I done. After watching her being fucked by that scum bag I couldn't help but confront her. It was no secret that she had slept with him, it was in every single file but actually seeing it made me sick to my fucking stomach. She'd been with other men when I was still around, fuck, I'd even had to kick a few out of her flat who had become a bit too attached but this was different. She was dating those men and although they were never good enough for Tilly they weren't mother fucking drug pushers. 

Getting away from her to clear my head was the only thing I could focus on. 

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Poor Tilly, what do you think will happen next to her. Please vote and leave a comment if you have enjoyed this chapter.