Should I Tell

A War Within Ally

It's been a little over a month since I was raped. I still cannot believe my childhood friend the one I told all of my secrets to, the one I cried on so many nights was my assaulter. The thought of his hands ravaging me all over my body as if never completely satisfied made me nauseous. How could he, I trusted him!? He's tried to call a few times...I ignored all of them and the hundreds of texts asking what he did to make me mad 'What's wrong Ally!? Why won't you talk to me what did I do!?' Each time he sent a text or called my heart broke a little more and I cried everytime. Now it's school time and I must go and look at his face. At first I thought it would be unbearable and boy was I right. He came to my locker for the first whole month all throughout August asking what he did...one day he caught me when I was walking to the bus stop and I don't know why but I turned and told him everything...I didn't leave out not one detail. With tears streaming down my face he stumbles back. 'I'm so sorry Ally please forgive me!' I cried harder sobbing as my heart tore even more and said, "You took away the one thing I can never get back you held me down against my will. I felt you enter my body, I felt your hands ravage all over my body as if you couldn't get satisfied. It continued until I knocked you out with a beer bottle....you have no idea how I feel please just leave me alone I'm done..."

As I walked home still sobbing I thought of whether my parents would be home or not realizing they wouldn't I got a really dark thought 'Do it what's the point!? You have nothing to save for true love anymore.' That's it it was decided. feel. Please just leave me alone I'm done."

As she was walking home she thought to herself 'why do I try, he done took my one innocence that I can never get back. When and if I find true love it won't be special anymore so what's the point?'

She walked into her home went to her room put her bags down went to her Moms' medicine cabinet grabbed as many different pills she could fit into her hand. She walked back into her room she wanted to make sure it worked so she wouldn't be known as the girl who tried to commit suicide but failed she wrote a goodbye letter to her parents and sent Jake a text 'My one innocence I wanted to save is gone. I don't know what else to fight for my own best friend raped me. But it's okay I forgive you, maybe I'll see you on the other side. Goodbye Jake.' Once she was done she walked into her bathroom, locked the door and swallowed all the pills. She sat on the toilet seat cover waiting for it to kick in she starts to feel dizzy. Something vibrates at first she thinks it's her but she soon realizes it's her phone it's Jake 'Ally don't do it I'm so sorry Ally no don't take your life for my dumb mistake I'm so sorry. I was drunk I would never hurt you! I'm coming Ally hang on.' I try to move but my body goes limp I can't feel anything. I fall to the ground hard and hit my head which is now bleeding but I feel nothing I see my own blood pool around me it's so dark and thick. As I lay there on the floor I see a light I think I'm looking into Heaven then it all goes dark I hear banging on the door. I think it's Jake who is screaming, "Ally open up! Ally I you can hear me if you kill yourself and I lose you I will kill myself. Ally open up or I'm breaking the door down!"
A moment later the door burst open it's Jake he falls to the ground "WHAT HAVE YOU DONE! ALLY WHAT DID YOU TAKE!? NO NO NO YOU CAN'T DIE I DO NOT WANT TO LOSE YOU! I can't I won't," he screams. He starts to look blurry his year stricken face blurring together my eyes roll to the back of my head the last thing I hear is, "Ally, the ambulance is here you're going to be okay I promise! Ally I love you you're my best friend don't leave me please I'm so sorry..." Everything goes black...am I dead?