QUEEN OF DIRTBAGS → bill denbrough ✔

eight

CHAPTER EIGHT
what's the past for?

...

Everything was too loud.

Stupidly loud.

Annoyingly loud.

Nicole clenched her fingers and pressed the heels of her hands into her eyes, baring her teeth like she was in pain. The fair chimed, screeched, screamed and laughed behind her; it was all too much for her.

Then a chime sounded closer. Her head lifted and her hands peeled away, her gaze focused on Bill as he pressed his phone against his ear. The hello that fell out from the space between his lips was barely above a whisper, cracked in the middle and crumbling away.

"It t-took the kid right in f-fr-front of us. Behind a f-f-fucking sheet of glass." He murmured. More life sparked in his voice, but it dripped with anger and regret. Rage. "No. N-no, I can't do that. I'm going to k-kill it... t-to kill it myself."

Then he hung up, eyes slicing right through Nicole. She had never seen Bill so... this. His eyes were dark and heavy, red from tears and blazing with a deep anger.

"I'm coming." She croaked, meeting the intensity in his eyes like a rush of hot wind.

"Nic, you shouldn't--"

"I am not letting you go to that place alone. I could never live in my own skin if I let you get hurt... killed, when I could've been there. You regret what we did, I know... I... I regret that you have that regret now, but nothing's going to stop me from following you into anything. Be it a not-so-funhouse, a crack house inhabited by a demon-clown, or off a cliff into that water. If you're going, then I'll be there."

He flinched from her words, or maybe her eyes were just as flammable as his were.

"You don't have to put yourself in danger for me. It's my fault you're here, anyway. I need to make it right." He sighed. Nicole felt herself deflate, offering him a sad smile across the hood of her Jeep.

"So let me help you make it right. I'm right beside you, Bill... no matter what."

And, when he looked at her this time, there was a spark in his eyes. It wasn't rage, or even anger, Not sadness or pain.

It hitched Nicole's breath. He nodded, didn't talk, and popped the door open. She let a breath out through her teeth, then followed him in.

The doors slammed shut, the engine rumbled to life and Nicole stole a glance at Bill. It looked as if he was having an internal debate, feelings in his eyes so colourful that Nicole almost forgot his eyes were still their usual dark brown.

There was a war raging inside, and it looked like he was winning.

...

Nicole slammed on the breaks and hopped out of the Jeep without a second of hesitation.

She shivered against the breeze, pulling her jacket tighter around her body, as she crossed past the gate and approached the door. Bill's footsteps quickened until he was at her side, then he grabbed her elbow.

"You don't ha-have to, Nicole." She stopped and he moved into her view, catching her eyes with his. "Are you sure? There's no t-turning back." He stepped closer, heart beating to the rhythm of hers.

"I-i..." Nicole searched every corner of his eyes, traveled into the deepest depths to find some clue as to what to do. She only saw herself reflected back. "I'm sure, Bill. More sure than a lot of things in my life."

His hand drifted to her cheek, grazing the skin so gently. She shut her eyes for a moment to take it all in; the fear of dying was strange and suffocating then, but that was her anchor to the world. The fingers against her skin, the breaths fanning across her cheeks.

"Nicole..." He murmured, easing her back into the present. "I'm so sorry... so f-f-fucking--"

"Bill! Nicole!" Familiar voices slammed against Nicole, tearing her away from Bill with a start. "They're here."

"Guys?" Nicole eyed the intruders. The other five losers had caught up with them, and now they'd have to send them off.

Richie grinned. "We break up your little make out session, Nicky?" He taunted, just like when they were kids. Nicole, still with her arm on Bill's, rolled her eyes.

"There was no making out-- shut up. Why are you guys here?"

Beverly looked at her like Nic had grown a second head. "Why? Because you're not going in there alone. Not just the two of you." She stated. Bill shook his head.

"No, no... no I can't ask you guys to go in th-there. I d-don't even want Nic coming... you c-could all get hurt in there. I have to do it alone." Bill's voice wasn't breaking, but it wasn't exactly solid either. It bounced with emotion, floating through the air like bubbles.

"We were all together when we went in there and defeated it the first time--"

"But we were all together when It a-almost killed Eddie, almost bit Nicole's ha-h-hand off. And it's m-my fault that you all had to come back-- th-that there's the th-thing in you... I f-forced you to all go in because I was s-s-so sure we'd find G-g-g-georgie."

"You didn't force any of us... we went because we were all losers and we didn't think we could beat this thing, but we were sure as hell going to try. Each of us followed you in there because we trusted you, Bill, and we are still here to follow you back in there because we still trust you." Nicole gestured her arm over the group. "And I don't want to leave here because... well, we all came back and remembered our childhood and all of the amazing, terrible days we had... and if we all leave and forget again, then what's the past for?"

The group was silent. Nicole forced her tears back and, instead, pressed her lips into a tight line. Heartbeats passed.

Eddie cleared his throat. "So... is anyone going to say anything?" He looked around, eyebrows arched.

Bill shook his head. "No, I think Richie said it best last time."

All eyes turned to Richie, who looked back with a confused tilt to his head. Nicole felt herself smile.

"Uh... you guys are lucky we aren't measuring dicks?" Bill shook his head, Nicole snorted and covered her mouth. Richie looked down, thinking, then back up as his eyebrows drew together. "Let's kill this fucking clown?"

Bingo. Bill nodded, now smiling. In fact, everyone was smiling to some degree. Richie nodded and grinned.

"Let's go kill this fucking clown."