Reverie, collection of shivika moments

Why do I love him?

He sat there on the bench. His eyebrows contract and I know he is tensed!  I put a hand on his shoulder, sit besides him while he looks at me with cute eyes and asks
" will everything be ok?"
I make a laugh internally while I give a consoling smile outside and nod affirming him!
I stare at him constantly as he carries the same tensed expression throughout while a question arises in my mind,
Why do I love him?

No, this is not the first time the question wandered in my brain! It has been there from the first time I met him, only the form in which it was framed changed.

The first time I saw him in the temple,
When he turned around and I got a glimpse of his eyes,  I was enchanted at first but then I remembered I have to fight him back and show him his place.
At that time the question was
" why do those eyes affect me?"

I kind of got addicted to the changing colors of his eyes with his different moods and thus I went again and again to irritate him! I couldn't let my brain accept that I was liking his eyes, so I gave them a description that they are scary!

I went to his home and he insulted me. It was not new for me, everyone did that and called me a trash. But no words affected me like his words did and the question was
" why do his words affect me?"

Then, by twist of fate I started working in his house as his wedding planner!  Not only did his eyes or words affect me but he started affecting me. I started seeing his different shades and all of them had an impact on me. So the question was
" why does he affect me?"

We started developing a bond slowly, of care and concern for each other but suddenly something changed and he did the unthinkable,  married me forcefully killing my self respect.
I wanted to hate him, he changed my life in an irreversible manner.
But then I saw him as a tear fell from his eye, and it hurt as if it was my own.
"why do I still care for him?"

Misunderstings cleared and he apologized and treated me in the best possible way,  but there were times when he seemed like a  maze as he never brought a word of heart on his mouth but I was still falling deeper wanting to solve the puzzle. The question reformed as "why am I falling for him?"

I was completely lost in my thoughts while staring at shivaay when I suddenly notice a change in his expressions, he gave a big smile with little tears in his eyes, got up and ran towards her.

" papa" she exclaimed and jumped on his arms while he continously kissed her.

" how was your first day at school baby" Shivaay asked in tensed voice.
" it was khidkitod, papa" my daughter shivika said in her broken voice.
He hugged her tightly and I could see the tears which escaped from his eyes.

Yes,  my husband waited 5 hours outside the school cause he was tensed for his daughter as it was her first day at school and so that she can feel his presence and not feel scared.  I forgot to inform that my daughter has inherited this super power from her papa, shivaay can sense me around while she can sense her papa around. 

We discovered this when shivika was 6 months old and shivaay left for a business trip. From the time she woke up, she was crying continously not finding her papa around. Shivaay heard her cry on phone and came back immediately.  As soon as shivaay entered the house, shivika stopped crying and and we all were left shocked.  so we understood my baby had the same super power as her father.

I looked at them, my happy family, saw the content smiles on their faces and got the answer to all my questions.

His eyes affected me cause they were the most beautiful pair of eyes I had ever seen. Not only cause they were 'kanji' but they had an innocence in them and a beauty which revealed all his feelings.

His words affected me cause it pinched me that he also thinks the same about me like all others while he had started to develop a place in my heart which was named hatred at that time.

He affected me cause I saw the amount of love he had in his heart for everybody and in my heart I wished to be the acquirer of that love or may be the most rightful acquirer of his love. I knew he could fill all the voids of my life.

I still cared for him after the forced marriage cause he cared for everyone. I couldn't see tears in his eyes cause he always wiped others tears. Yes, I put him above my self respect cause he respected me even when I lost faith In myself.

Yes, he was a maze but I still fell for him as I realised at the end of the maze was a small child waiting to receive love.  If I solved the maze,  I would get the kind hearted man who hides his pain from everyone but his eyes make him an open book. If I solve the puzzle, I will get to know him more than he knows himself. And yes, I do know him more than he knows himself.

A little time back I had the question, why do I love him, seeing his childish stubborn nature to wait outside till his daughter comes back.
But I love him cause behind his stubborn behavior there is unconditional love for everyone.
I love him cause he is the best parental figure for me and the best parent my daughter can ever have.

I see him coming towards me with shivika in his arms,
He hugged me and whispered
" she did it, she didn't even get scared"
I replied with a smile
" you did it even though you got scared" and hugged him back.

Guys I really don't know what this is. Just an attempt to show annikas point of view.  Hope you a like it. Please give your feedback