You Keep Me Safe (Jalex)

4: Look What You've Done

Title from: "Return The Favor" -All Time Low.

"Jack? Is that Alex?" Mr. Barakat calls from the front door. Jack quickly pulls away from me, my heart sinking a little. Did we almost just kiss? Is he feeling what I'm feeling?

"Yeah, um, is it okay if he stays here tonight?" Jack asks, surprising me.

"I guess, but does his dad know?"

"Yep."

"I don't see why not!" He gives me a welcoming smile, and I follow Jack into his house, upstairs into his room. He closes the door and turns to me slowly, sighing.

"Alex-," he starts, not finishing. He takes a step toward me, but doesn't reach out to hug me or anything. I wasn't sure what he was nervous about at first, but suddenly, I could see it- I think?

"You felt it, too," I blurt. He looks at me, confused. I second guess myself. What if he doesn't have a crush on me? Of course he doesn't, he's straight! Shit, think of something else to say! "How do I explain it? There's like this weird chemistry between us. Like we were supposed to meet. You felt it, too."

"I don't know what I'm feeling. I just met you. I just-," he stops, looking at me. "I just know that you're doing something to me."

I don't stop myself before wrapping my arms around him. It felt right, and I wasn't going to let the moment slip between my fingers. I tilt my head up as he looks down at me. My eyes flicker to his lips before I look back into his eyes. I could kiss him, I should just kiss him...

Then, I remember. Everyone leaves me. He will, too. He'll find out about my dad and have to witness my breakdowns. He'll get sick of it and leave, just like everyone else. Nothing is different about Jack Barakat, no matter how badly I wanted to believe that he was different. I wanted to believe he cared and that he wouldn't leave, but he would.

I hastily break away from him, pulling on my shoes that I had kicked off when I'd entered the room. Jack looks at me, confused, but I don't say anything.

"Goodnight," I say before rushing toward the door. I needed to get away from him, I couldn't fall for him, he's straight as well...

"No," he says firmly. I turn around to face him, his piercing gaze staring into me. "I don't want to say goodnight, not yet. There's obviously something wrong and you must think that I'm crazy if I don't see through this wall you've built around yourself. The moment you walked into that living room of yours, it was evident you needed someone. It was written all over your face. I wanted to be that someone."

Tears prick my eyes as I hold eye contact for as long as I can bear to. I avert my gaze to the floor, whispering, "Talking to you in the first place was a mistake, and you'll only care until it's no longer convenient." I turn the knob, rushing downstairs and out the front door, getting a confused look from Jack's father. I run back home, slamming the front door when I get inside.

"What the fuck, Alex?" my dad yells, approaching me. He pushes me to the ground, kicking me. "What makes you thinking running off is okay?" I zone out, letting him take his anger out on me. I'm almost numb to it. My mind is too occupied to register what was happening to me.

Jack Barakat. I don't know anything about him except that he actually gives a shit about me and that everything felt right when I was with him. He felt like a long lost friend, I guess. I feel like I've known him forever. I think this was meant to happen, like he and I were meant to be. I don't even believe in that, but for some reason, now I do.

He genuinely fucking cared, you could see it in his deep brown eyes. I pushed him away because that's the only thing I seem to be capable of. I hurt the people who care about me. Holy shit, why would I say talking to him was a mistake? That was probably the single-handedly best decision I've ever made. I almost kissed him, too! I wanted to kiss him, I wanted a lifetime of kisses with him. Too soon? Doesn't matter, I lost him. I pushed him away.

I stay lying on the cold, hardwood floor, even after my dad walks away. My entire body feels numb. I'll never forgive myself for hurting the boy that just wanted to help. For once in my life, I felt safe. He made me genuinely happy, just by being around him. This is fucking insane. I've only fully talked to him for no more than an hour, but I'm more than positive that I'd fallen for him. A straight boy.

It's not fair, not to him. I deserve this, of course I did. I hurt him. I warned him, I told him to stay away. Doesn't that mean it's not my fault? He got himself into this mess. I wish he'd listened to me. No, scratch that, I'm glad that he didn't. If he listened, I would have never known how it felt to have his arms securely around me and to hear him tell me that he cared.

If he listened, though, he wouldn't have gotten hurt. He wouldn't have had to hear me tell him that trying to become friends was a mistake. He thinks I used him for my own comfort. I guess it's better off this way. At least now he won't try to get close to me ever again.

I drag myself up the staircase to my cool room, flipping onto the bed, not caring enough to change clothes. I still had Jack's hoodie on, so I breathed in his scent, as it filled me with warmth. I wish I could've just let my guard down around him. I want to. I want more chances to prove to him I'm capable of caring, that I can care about him just as much as he cares about me, but I don't deserve that second chance.

So, I just pull the hoodie tightly around me, too numb to cry, as I sink into a deep sleep, whispering, "I'm so sorry, Jack," into the empty air surrounding me moments before I shut my heavy eyelids.

Look what you've done.