You Keep Me Safe (Jalex)

5: I Will Not Go

Title from: "All The Small Things" -blink-182.

I didn't want to open my eyes. I didn't want to move. I didn't want to live.

The morning sunlight filters through my mostly closed blinds, illuminating the small cube that I called my room. Most people consider their room a kind of safe place, but it was never that for me. It was almost like it forced my thoughts into my head further, as I couldn't escape the four walls surrounding me. I've never felt truly safe, as I'm always on my toes to make sure I don't fuck anything up. I'm in a constant state of avoiding angering my pathetic excuse of a father.

I sigh, my eyes adjusting to the light that encompasses me. I glance at my phone, no notifications as usual. My heart sinks when I see that Jack hadn't tried to reach out, but I wasn't surprised. I push the guilt from my thoughts and drag myself out of my warm bed to the shower, relishing the feel of the warm water against my skin. Just because it was July didn't mean that I couldn't enjoy a warm shower, right?

I pull on the first shirt I could find along with a fresh pair of boxers and skinny jeans. Maybe if I dressed like I was going somewhere, I'd have a tad more energy. I run a brush through my damp hair after drying as much as I could with a towel. I pull a beanie over my head before slipping on some socks and shoes, putting my phone in my pocket and my earbuds in my ears. My dad left for work not long ago, so I could effortlessly slip out the front door into the morning air.

I walk down the street as I do every day, waving to a few of my neighbors as I stroll down the familiar pavement. I felt somewhat at peace when I was walking, which confused a lot of people. I preferred walking over sitting and talking, and often walked around campus with my earbuds in rather than hanging out with my limited amount of friends.

On my morning circuit, I stop dead in my tracks as I realize that I was in front of Jack's house. Since when was his house on my route? I suppose I just never knew before. Besides, I only figured out where he lived yesterday.

My brain wills me to continue walking, but my heart has a mind of its own. My feet carry my body up the driveway to his front porch. I knew his parents weren't home, since his dad is at work with mine, and his mom works out of state at the moment. My fist hovers over the door before the tension is unbearable.

I knock three times.

The door doesn't open.

I knock a few more times.

Still, no answer.

"Damn it, Jack!" I say out loud. I could've sworn I heard shuffling on the other side of the door, but it doesn't open. For some reason, I have the simply brilliant idea to pretend I didn't know someone was there and continue talking to "myself."

"Befriending you wasn't a mistake, fuck, it was one of the best things I've ever done. I was scared as always because everyone I've grown close to has left me. And I pushed you away when you genuinely cared." I knock on the door again. "Please open the door, Jack!"

The door doesn't budge. I had almost completely lost hope when the door clicks, indicating someone unlocked it. I slowly turn the knob and push the door open to reveal Jack, tears brimming his deep brown eyes.

Oh, god, I'm the one who put those tears there. I'm a monster.

I close the door before I wrap him in a tight hug, but he pushes me off of him immediately after. I think he sees the hurt in my eyes because his face softens.

"You hate me," I state.

"I don't," Jack croaks quietly.

I take a deep breath before continuing. "Jack, I didn't mean what I said, and I don't expect you to believe me. If I were you, I'd hate ever fiber of my being. I was so scared, I still am, but I...," I trail off, not finding the words I wanted to say. What was I even trying to say?

"Alex," he whispers. I look him in the eyes, assuring him he had my undivided attention.

"Jack," I murmur in reply.

"I won't hurt you. I won't go. I'm not going to abandon you," he says. He takes a step toward me, but he doesn't reach out to hug me. "If it wasn't a mistake, prove it."

My hands go around his upper back, pulling him in for a hug. A warm feeling floods my senses, like my body has been waiting for this. It was like craving something, and then the satisfaction when you get it. That's what it felt like. Except, I didn't really know I craved this until now.

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Eek this one is short I'm sorry
It gets exciting soon I promise