You Keep Me Safe (Jalex)

6: A Tuesday Afternoon

Title from: "A Daydream Away" -All Time Low.

Weeks pass of this weird relationship with Jack. We've started working on our friendship and I've come to discover that Jack and I have a lot of similar interests. The start of school is just a week away, and luckily, Jack is going to the same school that I am, so I'll be able to show him around. I've been spending a lot of time at his house, which my dad isn't necessarily thrilled about, but I enjoy having somewhere to go besides home. Jack and I go to different places every weekend, as I decide to show him around his new neighborhood. Mr. Barakat has been very welcoming to Jack and I's friendship.

Friendship?

Fuck the friend-zone.

I find it hard to believe that the same rush of energy shoots through him every time our skin brushes together. I was really starting to fall for him, which I wasn't necessarily ready to do. Apart from the long hugs, he doesn't show any signs of liking me.

That should be a good enough sign, right? Wrong. Best friends hold each other sometimes, so maybe that's all it was to Jack. Friendly and comforting. Besides, it only really happened when one of us was upset. Harmless.

It was Tuesday, and school began next Tuesday. Currently, I'm making myself lemonade in Jack's kitchen with the cheap powder packet things. I needed something cool to drink before I had an anxiety attack. I wasn't sure why, but thinking about telling Jack how I felt about him terrified me. I down the entire glass within seconds, but my mind isn't distracted or cleansed with the intense coldness of the icy lemonade.

I slide to the floor, trying desperately to regulate my breathing. Jack could find me at any moment. Fuck, that made it worse. I haven't panicked in front of him since the night I met him. I've had panic attacks since then, of course, but never for Jack to see.

Great. The world is against me today.

Jack saunters into the kitchen, not seeing me for a moment. I curl tighter into a ball, as if that would keep him from seeing me, and watch him as he turns toward me. Concern washes over his features as he kneels beside me, rubbing circles into my back after he pulls me closer to him. "Breathe, Alex, breathe," he murmurs into my ear.

Little did he know, that was just making it worse. How could I breathe when I'm getting hugged by the Jack Barakat who I've developed a massive crush on? He doesn't feel the same!

In all fairness, it makes sense that he'd feel the same. We've been close to kissing a few times now. Basically, it's incredibly stupid to think that he didn't, but I'm Alex Gaskarth. What can I say? I over analyze every good thing. Oh, and Jack is straight!

I push him away from me because I don't know how much longer I can last in his arms until I spill my heart out. His eyes flicker with sadness before he just sits beside me, not saying anything. I'm grateful for that. I loved being in his company, and I wanted him to hold me again. That couldn't happen, though, because I can't keep falling for him.

Fuck! My dad will murder me if I do!

The night I met Jack flashes back into my mind, and I realize that Jack and I wouldn't be able to work. My dad told me I can't have feelings for Jack. How is that going to be possible? If I did end up dating Jack, I can keep it from my dad, but parents eventually find out about everything.

"Are you okay?" Jack asks eventually.

No. "Yes."

"Do you need anything?"

For you to kiss me and tell me that you feel the same way I do. "No, I'm okay."

He kisses my cheek before standing up, extending his hand for me to take. My face flushes pink, so I look down before sliding my hand into his. Did he actually just kiss my cheek? What the fuck? Also, can we not make so much physical contact?

"Jack?" I blurt.

"Yeah?"

"How do you feel about me?" What the fuck? Where did that even come from?

He pauses, avoiding looking me in the eyes. "You're my best friend."

I wait, in case he wants to say more, but he doesn't. That's the only type feelings he has toward me. Friends. Stuck in the goddamn friend zone. Why did I expect any different from my heterosexual best friend?

"You're mine, too," I reply softly. It was true, and it was the first time we've really said that out loud. I guess that's why he didn't suspect anything weird. He just smiled, squeezing my hand softly before dragging me up the stairs behind him.

-=+=-

I sit at my desk, sloppily writing out lyrics. This was my type of therapy, I suppose. There was something beautiful about lyrical writing. It was poetry, but with music. It could portray he mood of the piece ten times better than ordinary writing could.

And, also, how could one dislike a nice tune?

We're sitting on your kitchen floor
On a Tuesday afternoon
Right now could last forever
Just as long as I'm with you

You're just a daydream away
Just watch from a safe place
So I'll never have to lose

We'd go out on the weekends
To escape our busy lives
You'd offer me a ride
And I'd stay another night

That was all I'd written so far. I didn't necessarily anticipate writing about Jack, but his face was printed in my mind. I wanted to tell him that I had feelings for him. Why else would he kiss me? Oh, right, as friends. That makes no sense. Only people in relationships kiss each other on the cheek, right? No, friends do that too. Girl friends do that. Boy friends do that. "No homo", right? What the fuck? Why is this so complicated?