You Keep Me Safe (Jalex)

8: It Was Only A Kiss

Title from: "Mr. Brightside" -The Killers.

What.

The.

Fuck?

Why would he kiss me? Just to mess with my emotions even more? He was my first kiss with someone of the same gender, but he didn't even intend to kiss me. Way to make me feel like an absolute piece of crap! Wait, he's my best friend. I can't be angry.

I'm jolted from the confinement of my thoughts when I get an incoming FaceTime from Jack. I pick it up, hovering my shaky thumb over the button to answer it. I genuinely don't want to face him, but he's my best friend. He might need me right now, but, in the end, I can't bring myself to swipe the little green button. He's the reason that my brain and heart have kicked into overdrive.

I turn on Do Not Disturb before shuffling my music, sighing as "Mr. Brightside" comes on. It was only a kiss, it was only a kiss. For fuck's sake, Alex. Get a grip on yourself! It was one kiss, it meant nothing.

My music can usually save me, but as more and more songs ring in my ears, I'm not satisfied. I wanted Jack. What's going on? Music used to be all I needed, but, suddenly, I wanted Jack more than I wanted my music. It's a new sensation, and I'm not particularly content with it. Jack is straight, kissed me, but told me it was meaningless. It's not fair.

I pause my music, putting my phone on charge. A single tear falls from my tired eyes as I drift into an uneasy slumber, guilt filling my heart for not picking up the phone when Jack called.

-=+=-

I wake up the next morning to my alarm clock going off, reluctantly getting out of my comfy bed. My legs carry my tired body into the bathroom, a gasp escaping me as I look into the mirror. My gash from yesterday is more prominent today, so concealing it would be quite the challenge. Luckily for me, though, my gray beanie solves (almost) the entire problem. The wound is scarcely visible, so someone would have to stare at it intently to detect it.

I complete the remainder of my morning routine just as I hear Jack's blaring car horn outside. I take a deep breath before slipping on my shoes and backpack, inserting my earbuds into my ears. Maybe Jack will get the hint to let me be this morning.

I hop into the passenger seat, promptly fastening my seatbelt. He doesn't greet me, but I don't greet him, either. We sit in complete silence as he drives the familiar route to our high school. We park in the already crowded parking lot when Jack turns to face me.

"Lex, I-" he starts.

"Save it." I retort, climbing out of the car. I close the door, maybe a little too hard, before making my way to the front doors.

"Alex, please," Jack calls after me. I can't just keep walking, can I?

Yeah, I can, actually. So that's exactly what I do.

-=+=-

I don't see Jack at lunch, and worry starts to build in my stomach. I don't eat as my eyes scan the lunchroom for the tall brown-haired boy, my face falling as I don't see him.

"Where's Jack?" Rian asks me.

"I don't know," I say distantly.

"Uh, I might know," Zack chimes in.

"Really? Where?" I ask.

"You may not like this," Zack warns.

I stand up quickly, afraid someone hurt him. I'd never forgive myself if he got hurt because we got into an argument and I didn't hang out with him. "What happened?"

"He's not hurt, Alex- he's with Lisa," Zack states uncomfortably.

Rian and I gasp at the same time, Rian shooting me a sympathetic look. Not Lisa. Not my ex who cheated on me. Not my ex who was the reason the bullying started. Not Lisa. This isn't real, this isn't happening...

"Alex!" Zack exclaims, shaking my shoulder. "You weren't responding, are you okay?" I shake my head. How can I be okay?

"Well, we could talk to him-," Rian starts.

"No!" I exclaim quickly. "I don't want my past to ruin his future," I add, quieter. They nod, changing the subject. I appreciate their efforts to distract me from thinking about Jack, but I was scared of what Lisa could do to him. I don't want him to suffer the same fate I did. This was no longer about having feelings for him; it was about saving his happiness.

-=+=-

"Hey, Lex," Jack says with a wide grin on his face as I slide into the passenger seat of his car. I decide to stop ignoring him since he is my best friend, after all.

"Hey, Jack. What's the big smile for?" I ask.

"I met this girl today, and she asked me out. I said yeah because why not? Her name is Lisa, she's really nice and I was hoping you'd be okay with getting to know her."

My breath catches in my throat and I feel the sudden urge to vomit. Lisa already has Jack wrapped around her finger. No, no, no, I can't let this happen to Jack...

"Jack, there's something I need to tell you about her. Please don't get mad."

"If you're going to say something that is going to keep me from dating her, save it. You're my best friend who fucking ignored me when I needed you, but she was there for me. She was a better friend to me today than you have been since I kissed you yesterday." He was starting to get mad, and I was scared that he'd hit me. My dad always did when he was angry, so why would Jack be any different? "If I listen to whatever you have to say and take it into consideration, I'd be a hypocrite. You know why? Because Lisa's friends were all telling me that if I had a brain, I'd stay the hell away from you because you're selfish and inconsiderate."

"They're brainwashing you already!"

"Shut up, Alex! I just wanted you to be my friend, but no! You have to go and try to ruin my happiness!"

I lower my voice before answering. "Jack, I'm just looking out for you."

"No, you're not. Get out of my car."

"What? Jack, I don't-"

"Get out!"

"Fuck you!" I exclaim before pushing the door open, slamming it closed as I stand up. He pulls out of the parking lot just moments after, leaving me standing there alone. I had to walk home now. That would take around two or more hours.

I decide not to start walking home just yet, so I instead walk around the football field to clear my head. I wish things could go back to how they were before Jack kissed me. I was losing my best friend and the person I've fallen for all in one. It was all because of Lisa, but I couldn't blame her. I should have just been more easygoing with Jack. It's all my fault that he's gone.

It started out with a kiss, how did it end up like this?