Vampire queen

Chapter 10

Light from the rising sun pours in through the window into my room. I lay there in bed thinking about how I'm even in my room. Logan must have brought me up here after I fell asleep. He is nice like that. 

I reluctantly pulled myself out of the bed to get ready for a day of pretending to be normal. I do my usual morning routine while still not looking in the mirror. I know I will one day. I just can't bring myself to do it. I know the old me is dead, but I'm not ready to let go of her yet. I especially can't when Kyle still has hope that I'm alive still when everyone else has already given up. 

I run down the stairs heading for the kitchen. Logan is sitting on a stool reading a paper. "Good morning, my queen." He greets. 

"Good morning. How many times do I need to tell you not to call me that. I understand that is what I am, but it just feels so weird." I state as I open the fridge doors forgetting the only thing in there is bags of blood. That's not going to happen so coffee it is. 

"You know you can't just live off coffee right. You are going to need blood at some point as you witnessed the other day." Logan says as though he is a parent talking to a toddler. 

"I was living off coffee just fine as a human. I understand that I am no longer a human and I'm different now. I just can't bring myself to drink it. I don't like what it means I am." I explain. I hear the fear and pain in my own voice and I hate it. I don't want to seem weak and scared, but I am. 

"In time that might change. Anyway we should be leaving or we will be late."  Logan orders. 

When we get to the school I look for Kyle first. I can't help it. I need to be close to him again. I have this burning need for us to be best friends again. Finally I spot him. He is walking down the hall and he pauses at my memorial if you want to call it that. It was so brief that maybe he has slowly started to give up on me now. I can't lose him. I lost so much already. I go to catch up with him when Logan grabs my arm. "I understand you feel this need to refill something that you lost, but do remember who and what you are. When being what we are there is no loving or being friends with humans. We either kill them or they die of natural causes. Either way it'll hurt you." Logan sternly says. I yank my arm free from his grasp. "I will take that into consideration as I go fill this terrible void I have." 

As I wonder down the hall where I saw Kyle headed all I can think is how dare Logan. How dare he talk down to me as though I don't already know these things. As though I hadn't thought of the fact that I could kill him. I just need him right now. I need something or someone to remind me of who I was before I lose her forever. I got so lost in my thoughts that I wasn't watching where I was going. Next thing I know I was on the ground. "Hey, are you okay? You looked really out of it." a kind familiar voice asked. I look up to see Kyle standing over me. All I can do is nod as he bends down the help me to my feet. "Are you sure you are okay?" he asked again as though he felt I was lying, which I was. As I got back on my feet, I nodded again. "Yeah, I'm fine. I just have a lot on my mind today." 

"Anything you want to talk about? I know I don't know you very well, but seems like we could both use a friend." As he says this I can see the pain stir in his eyes and in that moment I knew this was my way back in. 

"I'm not ready to talk about it yet. If you need someone though I'm always ready listen." I saw with a forces smile on my face. 

"Maybe another time. Right now I think we need to get to class. I'll see you around." He says as he turns to walk away. 

I can't help but feel hurt that that didn't go how I wanted it. I could feel tears forming and ran to the bathroom. I leaned against the wall and slid down it. I don't understand. We were so close how can he not see that it's me. I know that it can't be the same but I can't do this. I don't want to have to start over with him. I can't be here anymore. I don't belong here anymore. I pick myself up and walked out. I just kept walking. I didn't know where I was going. I just knew that the school wasn't where I wanted or needed to be right now. 

I just kept walking until I stubbled upon the cemetery. I found myself walking around looking my mine. Like my shitty mom would have paid for one. Then I found it. Emily Jones. Loving friend and sister. I touch the head stone and laugh a little. "Loving friend and sister. As though I wasn't also someones daughter." I talk out loud. Maybe this is what I need for closure. Maybe this is what I need to move on from the person I was to who I am now. "So, seems like people actually knew who you were. Not that they ever paid the slightest attention to you when you were 'alive'. funny how that works" I talk to my self as I brush cut grass and dirt off my head stone. "I wish I would have gotten to see Jamie grow up. He needs out of our house and on my birthday I was going to take him and move far away. Now he is stuck in that hell hole." I feel the tears brewing. 

I just kept talking. I talked about what happened and how I'm different now. I talked about Kyle a lot. I just kept going and crying. It was like something in me was looking for this. I hadn't even realized how much time had passed. 

"Why are you sitting at Emily's grave?" A voice questioned. I jumped to my feet so quickly. 

"I-I-I don't know. I just needed some air and I found myself here." I stammered. 

"I don't mean to scare you or accuse you of anything. I just know what she didn't really have anyone but me and her brother. I also remember you saying you didn't know her. 

"Kyle, I know you were really close with her and that she was really important to you. I didn't think it would be an issue. Are those flowers for her?" I asked him noticing flowers in his hand. 

"Yeah, they are pink peonies. She never like pink but for some reason she always had a soft spot for these flowers." He said with some warmth in his voice like it's something he needed to remember and say out loud. 

"Tell me about her." I say. Hoping this will give me a chance to push my way back into his life. "over coffee or something" I add not wanting to spend anymore time at my grave site. 

"I have a better place. Will you come with me?" he asked with something written on his face that I haven't seen in awhile and that was adventure.