Te Extraño

1~Jet Black Heart

Now I'm holding on for dear life (Now I'm holding on for dear life)
There's no way that we could rewind (There's no way that we could rewind)

It was all happening so quickly. One moment, Calum, Ashton and their children were running around in the park throwing a Frisbee then Joy was hunched over, wheezing loudly. Everyone else quickly stopped to check on the eight-year-old girl. Calum kneeled down in front of her, holding her hands and trying to get her to copy her breathing. Michael watched in shock, not knowing what to do. Ashton kept his hand on Joy’s back, trying to encourage her to breathe.

Minutes past and Joy was still wheezing. Ashton had already called an ambulance but he feared they wouldn’t get there in time.

“Joy, Joy baby please, follow my breathing. In and out. Come on you can do it sweetie.” Calum coached.

Joy’s eyes were directed on Calum’s as she tried to follow along, her wheezing growing fainter by the minute.

“Daddy...” she gasped out, before swaying forward in her father’s arms.

Calum quickly swept her up and held her close to his chest, rocking her gently.

“Baby, baby wake up.” Calum whispered.

Michael gasped and buried his face in Ashton’s hip.

“Daddy what happened?” Michael asked.

“I’m not sure,” Ashton replied simply.

“Do you want me to take him home?” Ashton whispered to Calum, referring to Michael.

“No, drop him off at your mum’s then meet at the hospital.” Calum mumbled, not taking his eyes off their daughter.

“Alright Mikey? We’re gonna give grandma Anne-Marie a visit, yeah? Sounds fun?” Ashton spoke, trying to sound somewhat cheerful.

“What’s wrong with Joy?” Michael questioned.

“Daddy and I are going to take her to the hospital to find out, yeah?”

Michael nods softly while Ashton gently placed a kiss on Joy’s head, giving one to Calum as well.

“I love you,” Ashton told them both before getting up and taking Michael away.

The paramedics arrived shortly after Ashton left, quickly doing an examination on Joy before lifting her into the ambulance. Calum didn’t even wait to see if he was allowed to come before he jumped in the back to ride with them.

Paramedics placed a mask on her face and checked her blood pressure all whilst trying to wake her up. Calum simply held his daughter’s hand and tried not to cry. His mind was going to the worse scenarios and if it was true, it’d be all his fault.

Calum deeply inhaled the smoke from his cigarette and exhaled, looking off into the distance.

“Cal, you promised you’d quit.” Ashton sighed, coming outside with two cups of coffee.

“Well I didn’t.” Calum spat.

“You said you were gonna be cautious since...”

“Since I gave my mum lung cancer? Well guess what? She’s fucking dead now. I know it’s my fault but there’s nothing I can do about it now, is there?” Calum spoke coldly.

“Calum, what about me? What about Michael and Joy?” Ashton asked.

Calum rolled his eyes.

“Why do you think I smoke outside while they’re asleep?” Calum questioned, putting out the cigarette against the wall before dumping the butt in the cup in front of him. “Nothing’s gonna happen.”

But that’s just what happened. It happened again.

“I’m sorry, but we found a tumour in Joy’s left lung. It’s stage two cancer, I’m sorry.”

Ashton sobbed into his hand, breaking down whilst Calum just looked straight ahead, his eyes fixed on the doctor, hoping she’d break out in a dance and tell them it was an April Fools prank in November.

But she didn’t.

“I’ll leave you alone with her and when she wakes up, you can decide whether you’d like chemo or not.” The doctor suggested.

Ashton nodded softly, numbing an incoherent ‘thank you’ before the doctor left the room. Calum continued staring at the space the doctor was, in complete shock.

“Cal- Cal it’s all gonna be alright.” Ashton whispered, pulling Calum into a tight hug.

Calum tried to move to comfort his husband but couldn’t. He still stared straight ahead of him. He couldn’t breathe. He’d done it again. He’d given someone else cancer.

Tears sprung into Calum’s eyes as realisation set in. He’d lost his mum and now he might lose his daughter.

“Cal? Cal, baby?” Ashton called, sitting up and holding his husband’s hand.

Calum’s chest grew tighter. Ashton always told him to quit but he never did. It was all his fault.

Ashton’s eyes widened as he noticed Calum’s redder face and growing blue lips.

“Baby? Baby, breathe, please.” Ashton begged, squeezing Calum’s hand.

Calum squeezed his eyes shut as couldn’t get a breath in or out. For a moment, he panicked before a nagging thought in his mind was telling him he deserved this. He deserved to be the one with cancer.

“Cal, Cal baby listen to me. Listen to me alright? Breathe in for five, out for five. Come on, please.” Ashton begged.

Calum looked at Ashton, still looking in shock.

“Baby, in and out. Ready?”

Calum shook his head. Even if he wanted to, he couldn’t possibly take a deep breath.

“Please, please try.” Ashton begged.

If Calum was standing, he’d collapse on his knees right there and then. He couldn’t say no to Ashton.

“In.”

Calum squeezed Ashton’s hand tightly as he took a shaky breath in.

“Great job, babe. Out.”

Calum breathed out slowly, squeezing Ashton’s hand tighter.

“In.”

Calum again took a deep breath in, staring straight into Ashton’s eyes.

“Out.”

Calum breathed out yet again.

Minutes later, Calum’s breathing was back to normal when he collapsed onto Ashton’s chest in pure exhaustion. It didn’t take a genius to figure out Calum was crying in Ashton’s chest.

“Don’t worry, everything’s gonna be alright.” Ashton whispers.

“It’s my fault,” Calum gasps out.

“No. It’s not. Don’t beat yourself up. This could’ve been caused by anything.”

“The same thing happened to my mum! It’s my fault!”

“Results said it was genetic. Your great grandmother had it. It wasn’t your fault.”

Calum continued crying on Ashton’s chest, not letting go of his shirt.

“Don’t worry, we’ll get through this.”