Bad Girls Don't Cry

Chapter 8

When I became single again, there was a shift in my thinking that came about somewhat all of a sudden. It happened so fast. One moment I was in a committed relationship and then I was free to go off and be adventurous again. I had some dates but I tried to be cautious; nothing really worth telling you about. From my experience, most men are not very talented sexually speaking, but maybe I'm picky, who knows. About 6 months into my singlehood, I started casually seeing a doctor. He was very busy and was just looking for something to enjoy himself on his 1 evening off per week. I felt I enjoyed his company, but I wasn't fantasizing about him, not even a little. I wanted to try to enjoy the simplicity of a casual relationship where no intense emotions could cloud my judgment. My views of culture were foreign to him though and he wasn't able to open his mind.

On our 4th and last date, the conversation blew up in my face when I tried telling him, this man of science, that culture plays a part in the way we evolve as humans. This is the Nature vs Nurture debate: how much can be attributed to culture and how much to biology in the evolution or development of humans and other species. This is a long-standing debate spanning over a century and many scholars have not been able to give an answer with any near-certainty. Let's face it, 100% certainty doesn't exist anyways. Any true person of science would follow the principle that they may be wrong. It's a beautiful thing, to keep learning and not to be bogged down by opinion based on the knowledge you have acquired up to this point. The possibilities are endless when we allow ourselves to open our damn minds.

So anyways, this doctor man I had been seeing became defensive at the thought that biology might not be the sole determining factor in human development. He became rude, closed; angry even and started making buzzer sounds any time I tried saying anything. It was the equivalent of the argument some young children make when they put their fingers in their ears and stick out their tongues. It has no place in an intellectual discussion. You may have your beliefs, good for you and I'd love to hear them. But to be so obscenely addicted to your own opinions and never understanding that opinions are in constant evolution is baffling to me.

I was really frustrated by his reactions to my words. I felt it was an utter lack of respect, a demonstration of sheer narcissism and I rushed out of the car after cutting our date short. I asked him to drop me off on the main road a short walk from my apartment. I started walking home but I felt so uncomfortable by what I had just experienced that I decided I wanted to go to the nearby bar for a quick drink.

It was a busy, narrow, red bricked and dimly-lit place with the bar at the far right corner. It was quaint and the crowd looked to be roughly around my age. I walked across to the bar, which was packed with people sitting all around it and I waited to be served. I was feeling anxious from the botched date earlier so I impatiently huffed and I walked out without having had the opportunity to be served.

I approached one of the guys who was smoking outside to ask for a cigarette and he kindly obliged. At first glance, I didn't think he was an attractive man but there was something about him I was drawn to. He had a presence. I didn't think much about it though in my anxious state. I thanked him and went to sit on the front steps to the apartment complex a little ways away to smoke. I looked back at the front of the bar wondering to myself if I should go back in there and try to turn the night around. I thought it would be a better idea than going to the apartment in a bad mood, watching something on TV and going to bed feeling like it was a waste of a weekend. I forced myself off the stoop and walked back to the bar. The man who had given me the cigarette was just about to enter and I guess he saw the stress on my face as I approached.

"Hey, you alright?" He had a really deep voice and I found it extremely sexy.

I hesitated a moment. "Yeah, I'm fine, thanks," I replied unconvincingly.