S.H.I.T

complicated

As I march into my Vic's house I'm trying not to cry. Vic's probably upstairs sleeping, he goes to sleep at 10pm and its currently around 11pm.

The kitchen isn't empty when I enter it but I don't really care. Mike's my friend- well more like my brother. As I open the pantry I don't see the Doritos I was planning on eating.

Fucking Mike ate my Doritos

I go to glare at him to see him holding the bag up in a offering way. He's sitting on the counter with only sweatpants on. Mike's hot but not my type.

Casually I get on the counter too and we share the bag of chips. "You seem upset," he states. It's so normal for me to just walk into their house and make myself at home. Nobody cares, I'm like vivian's third son.

She adores me, I'm always welcome here.

"Okay," I say continuing on my chips. I'm not one to voice my problems. Or even acknowledge them in my head sometimes.. That doesn't matter, I'm here. I'm in a house with a family that loves me.

Mike's phone buzzes and he pulls it out and starts texting. He doesn't care that I look over his shoulder and read his messages.

Asshole: what to hang out?

Mike: when?

Asshole? I'll question mike about it later.

Asshole: right now, I'm about to drive past you're house

Mike looks at me. He sends me a look that I read as 'can I leave you or do you want to just sit together and eat junk food' "I'm going to go lay down with Vic. Have fun," I say totally meaning it.

He gives me a smile before we go separate ways. I go up to vic's room and walk in quietly. He's fast asleep on his bed holding a pillow. I smile at my friend and crawl into the bed next to him.

I'm self conscious about my body but since Vic knows all my secrets so I try to not care.. but that's hard to do. When people touch me or talk about gender I freak out...

Apparently I got in louder than normal because the usual heavy sleeper woke up. He looks at me with sleepy eyes and then grabs me pulling into his embrace. I tense and I hear him sigh.

"Kellin, you're you.. you have to just loosen up. You're body is beautiful," he says and negative thoughts are released. The flood gates open and I start crying.

He holds me as I cry and I feel so pathetic. I'm crying because I don't like my body, that's stupid. . .

"Kells.. take it off," he says and I shake my head 'no'.

"It can bruise your ribs- fuck- it could break your ribs," he says and puts a hand up the back of my shirt. Then starts undoing my binder.

"Fuck you.. I just want to be a normal guy," I whisper at Vic. The hatred in my voice is really for me and vic knows it. Vic is understanding, and supportive. He's the only person my my age that knows.

My parents know and so do my relatives but nobody in our school knows. Mike doesn't even know...

The binder I have is homemade. It's a corset modified so it makes me appear 100% flat chested. I end up crying myself asleep on vic. This happens a lot, I don't see why he's still my friend

This is the first chapter of my newest story.. you should go check it out
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