S.H.I.T

anxiety

My soul is rattling around in my body and it isn't unnoticed by me. My head is in a overdrive yet dazed state. Rapidly thinking about everything but not long enough to see it's not actually a threat.

My hands are shaking, so is everything else. Maybe even the floor is shaking. It does seem unsteady. That's probably just me.

Am I breathing?  No, I don't think so. That's something I have to control when I'm like this or I'll pass out. My lungs take a sharp breath in but it hurts so let it out.

Tears are blocking my vision and the noise is overwhelming. This is what I get for going to the mall. I feel like I'm back in time: my 5th birthday party and my dad kidnapped me and dropped me off at Walmart to worry my mom and scare me to death. He probably wanted to kidnapped me from there so he can get back at my mom for getting custody over me.

Those feelings are what I feel now: scared, lost, anxious, stupid, sad, lonely, confused, and even a little frustrated. I'm 17, I shouldn't be having a panic attack because my friend left me in the food court so she could go into Victoria's secret.

I don't even have a table, I'm just standing here stupid. I must look like I'm on drugs because I'm hugging myself, shaking, almost in tears, and I'm alone.

"Hey-" when someone touches my shoulder I almost die. My soul jumps in my chest and I flinch away and look at the person who just touched me.

My scan him chaotically. Trying to figure out who he is, if I know him, if so from where, along with why is he touching me. My mind jumps from questions so fast I'm not even answering them.

I think I don't know him. He's looking at me like he's not sure what to say or do. If I wasn't in a mist of a panic attack I would definitely say he's hot- scratch that, even in my panicked state I can see that. He's beautiful.

"Love, you look upset. Are you okay?" He says and his accent is thick and lovely. He doesn't look like the type to check on people. My senses are coming back a little now I'm forced on one thing.

"I- I'm- its okay," I say looking around scard. I need Tay but she fucking abandoned me. In my mind the guy vanished so when he talks again I almost have a heart attack.

"Is it this crowded place? Let me take you outside," he says and the floodgates open for me. Tears fall down my face and theres not much reason why I'm crying. This just happens when I'm this stressed.

He grabs my hand and starts leading me through the people who are all talking to loud and doing to many things. As soon as I go through the doors to outside I can breathe again.

My eyes don't have to scan every because this place isn't overwhelming with people. I let go of his hand and take of my jacket that was suffocating me. I close my eyes and breathe. I needed oxygen.

Once I'm a little better I look at my savior. He's watching me. I wipe my tears and give him a little smile. "You don't understand how much you just helped me," I say and he smiles.

"I think I do, I get anxiety and panic attacks too. So it's easy to spot it. Are you okay?" He says and I run my hand through my black hair.

"I think so, it was just that I was in a crowded place alone," I say and he gestures to a bench.

We sit down on it and he faces me. Respectively I do the same. "Did you already eat dinner?" He asks and I shake my head 'no'. "How about you let me take you out for dinner?" He asks and I blush.

This hot British guy wants to take me out for dinner? My eyes go to his exposed skin. Tattoos litter his skin. I wonder what they all mean.

"S-sure? Are you trying to kidnap me?" I ask a little worried.

"Nah, unless you're into that. I just want to get to know you and hope I can win you over enough to get a second date," he says and I blush more.

"S-ure? I don't normally do this but you kinda won my heart by saving me," I flirt making him smile more. This seems really good. He's super hot, caring, and into me and it's been less than thirty minutes.

I'm not one to rush into relationships or giving people chances but I'll give him tonight. If he seems just as amazing as he does now I'll think about a second 'date'. Its a date. This hopefully will be fun and hopefully he keeps me calm. I'm sure he will.. He just has that affect.

"Im Oliver, but just call my Oli," he says and I realize we haven't introduced ourselves until now. Wow, agreeing to go on a date before knowing his name? I'm silly..

"Hi Oli, I'm Kellin," I say with a smile. He grabs my hand and brings it to his face. Oli kisses my knuckles making me blush.

"Hi Kellin," he says making my heart melt. He sure knows how to charm me.

I wrote this because I was having anxiety. I love how writing calms me down.

What did you think?