Star Wars: Lust For Power // Kylo Ren

「Chapter Seven」

One year later...

I'd become Ren's right hand, always by his side in battle, and after a year of being his second in command, I tried my best to do his bidding no questions asked and without looking back, but the lives taken by my hands had began to haunt me. As my powers and knowledge grew, I began to realize how young and naive I was a year ago, how ready I was to do anything Ren asked me. I'd grown up with no one, and finally having someone to guide me, I'd jumped into following without taking a second to consider who and what it was I was following. I was spiraling down a dark path, and the light was beginning to fade the further I fell, but for some reason, one day, I just snapped out of it.

I'd grown to love Ren, passionately, but I couldn't fight in his name any longer, I couldn't take another life by his bidding. I was being torn apart between two paths and I so desperately wanted both, but I clung to the light, not wanting to fall any deeper into this darkness.

I sat in the room he trained me in, attempting to clear my irrational thoughts and ease my conscience. As I sat, my hair nearly braided down my back, uniform tight and buttoned up, I relaxed, my body cooling down.

But as I tried to see past the red and the dark shadows clouding my mind, attempting to reach for that distant sunlight, the bad thoughts got the best of me and took over.

I saw the families I aided in ripping apart, relocating, taking their homes, the force sensitive children I stood by and watched Ren kill on a mission. My years of war had traumatized me, and I had only recently become aware of this. Yet, I pushed on, like it didn't bother me. I was no better than Kylo Ren.

I was too distraught, I fell out of my meditation and laid to the floor as tears began to stream. The pain was too much, I was collapsing.

I grasped onto my stomach as I began to wail, crying harder than I ever had before. Harder than those lonely nights on my home planet, no one to comfort me.

Suddenly, I heard footsteps running my way, a presence dropping aside me.

"Rhaella?" He called out to me. I raise my body on my knees and look to him, my cheeks soaked from my tears. He looked concerned, genuine worry in his eyes.

As I begin to sob again, he suddenly takes me into a hug, clinging tightly to me. I can feel his distraught heartbeat, calmer than mine as it banged against my chest. I wanted so badly to tell him of my pain, but something held my tongue.

I looked to him, tear filled eyes, and he returned that cold stare I thought I only once knew.

"You have to be stronger. Snoke will kill us both if you fall too far off track."

I pinched my lips, in disbelief at his words. His body held me so kindly, yet his eyes and words stabbed me in the coldest way. But, I couldn't complain. He was my master, after all.

Sleeping was just as hard, if you could even call it that. I spent most of my nights tossing and turning, dreading the same nightmare from days in a row before. Nightmares that seemed to find me night after night. I couldn't escape.

But, as my weary mind couldn't stay awake any longer, I drifted into an unwanted slumber. And to be expected, the torment found me once more.

I awoke, screaming and drenched in sweat. I suppose I alerted some guards as Ren was standing in my doorway, slowly approaching me with his mask still on.

As he gained closer, he finally removed it, kneeling down aside the bed by me. "You have to keep it under control, you're disturbing the nightshift troopers and everyone else trying to rest, Rhaella."