Happy to be of Service//RedCrackle

Chapter One- (Philophobia) The fear of love (Edited)

Carmen POV

He was too close.

Both physically and emotionally, Gray was too close.

I backed away, two steps that felt like miles.

Gray's hands lowered from where they had been, cupping my cheeks. Now they toyed nervously with the seam of his shirt. He didn't know what to do with himself.

Except kiss me.

I had seen it coming. We stood alone in front of the Opera House, and all of the sudden he was there. Brown eyes, too close.

Hands and smile, too close.

He wasn't smiling anymore.

I felt like crying.

I didn't want to hurt Gray. Quite the opposite, actually. I wanted to heal whatever scars he had, to find who he really was to me.

To be his.

But I ruined it.

Because I wasn't ready.

The walls I had built around my heart were too thick for my own good. I had experience with being hurt. Anytime I lowered the gate, it backfired on me. And only on me.

Gray spoke, refusing to meet my eyes. "I guess you know your own way home, 'eh, mate?"

The words stung.

"Gray..." I started, reaching for him, but he moved away.

Just as I had done.

"Gray, please." I hated the helplessness in my voice. "I, I'm sorry, I'm just not-"

"Not ready. I get it."

No. He didn't get it. Not at all.

He must've seen the despair in my eyes. In fact, I know he did. Because when he looked at me, his expression softened for a single second. It softened into the face I had come to love more than anything.

But then he looked hurt again, and I wanted to sink into the ground.

"I'm sorry," I whispered again.

Gray ran a hand through his curls, blew out a long sigh, and took a step back to me.

I felt relieved.

He reached for my right hand, and I let him lift it in front of him. He smoothed his thumb over my knuckles, knowing that I loved the heat it always sent shooting through my arm.

"No, I'm sorry," Gray said quietly, blinking and taking my left hand as well. "I-I just thought that maybe..." He paused, conflict in his eyes. "I moved to fast. I'm sorry if I came off as pushy, Carm."

I dropped his hands and wrapped my arms around his waist, bringing him into a tight hug. He didn't hesitate to do the same.

"I'll make sure to ask next time, OK?"

The words next time sent delighted shivers up and down my spine.

So I nodded.

Feeling suddenly bold, I looked up and gave him a flirty smile. "There's gonna be a next time, huh?"

Gray blushed and stammered out, "I, well, I mean.. if you want-"

"Nuh uh uh." I brushed my fingers against his lips, and he quickly silenced.

He was still red when I lowered my hand, and a look close to regret flittered across his eyes when the heat of my skin disappeared. I gave his hand a squeeze and turned, glancing back. "I got the answer I wanted. Oh- and Gray? I'm planning the next date. No arguing."

I walked away, not waiting to see his reaction. Im sure he was blushing, and he was SO CUTE when he did, and I probably would have just stared at him like an idiot. I was feeling a lot better now. Gray did that to me. If I felt awful, he seemed to understand and then he would find a way to fix it.

He always did.

Gray POV

I watched Carmen's slender frame, hips swaying and auburn hair shining, until the shadows swallowed her. My hand went up to my mouth, where her delicate fingers had been just moments before. I smiled at her words.

I'm planning the next date. No arguing.

She wanted to go on another one. With me.

This had been our third date(not including coffee after the whole saving Auckland thing), dinner at the park before going to enjoy the splendor of the Opera House, where I worked. The lights from the building were low, and in the dimness, Carmen had looked... beautiful.

Gorgeous.

And I knew that I loved her. Had known for a long time, really. So I had smiled softly, brushing my thumb over her cheek and gently taking her hand.

I had acted on impulse, but now as I thought back on it, Carmen had had fear in her eyes when she realized I was about to kiss her. Like she was afraid of being loved.

Afraid of... finding something she wanted so badly only to lose it again.

Gosh, I was such an idiot. I should have noticed how she sheltered herself in a certain way, avoiding long amounts of physical contact and the topic of her family.

Except... I may have torn down a piece of the wall she was hiding behind. It made me feel happy and awful at the same time.

Still. It was progress.

I sighed wistfully, once again wishing that I could taken a picture of her when she smiled flirtatiously at me. That smile was too much.

Too good.

I had almost kissed her right then.

That would have probably been a mistake.

But maybe I'd find a way to make her smile like that for me again, later.

I turned and started to take a step, but stopped. I didn't want to be alone right now. My apartment would seem too empty after being in Carmen's company for a few hours. I was sure that she had that effect on most people, but it made me a feel a bit special to have been the person she was spending time with in the first place.

I needed to be around people, but all of my close friends were either working or on dates of their own. And knowing Jared, he was likely bowling tonight, and would be for several hours. But...

Maybe Carmen would't mind hanging out more. Not on a date or in a romantic way per se, but just as friends. Just to be in another persons presence. I had her number on my phone. I could call or follow in her direction.

Woah, no no no no no no no. I shook my head, laughing lightly. There was no way I was gonna follow her. I didn't want to come off as the creepy stalker type. I took out my phone, pulled up contacts, and tapped the "c" section.

Carmen's name popped up instantly.

I only hesitated a moment to let myself wonder if this was a terribly weird -or weirdly terrible- idea. But then I pressed dial and held the phone up to my ear.