Bagatelle

13.

They sit down on the bed, next to each other. Brett looks at the floor. He is shacking. Hands sweating. He fixes his glasses three times in a row.
Someone please save me. I can't do this. I can't do this.
Eddy looks at the window with out saying anything.
The room is filled with deep breaths, and sighs.
After a couple of minutes, he gets up, and starts walking across the room in circles. He scratches his head constantly, and lets out a few sighs. Suddenly, he exclaims: “Brett!”, and runs to kneel down on the floor, facing Brett. His eyes staring at the boy's eyes.
Eddy takes his hands in between hims.
“Brett”, he says in a whisper, “I love you”.
Brett turns to see him, his eyes frowning in confusion. He waits for him to say something else. Eyes fixed on the other.
After a couple of minutes, nothing.
Oh, for god's sake.
“That's all?”, Brett exclaims getting up really frustrated. “After pulling me away? And not letting me talk to you for days?”. From his eyes, tears starts falling down violently. Big tears that make Brett's nose a shade of red.
“Brett, I...”, Eddy mumbles shaking. He has never seen him crying. His mind is blowing up. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no.
“No!”, Brett interrupts him. “Your turn is over!”, he almost screams.
“I have to leave! I need to leave”, he starts saying. He takes his glasses off and rubs his eyes quickly, not helping the tears that are still falling down. I can't do this. “I just found you...and now I need to leave. I don't want this!”. I can't do this.
Eddy remains quiet, looking at Brett's eyes who are filled with a mix of fury and sadness, and also, determination. His lips shaking. “I just found you...”, he adds in a whisper, before he needs to hide his face between his hands. “I just found you”, he repeats once and over again. Crying loudly.
His legs are weak, and he falls on his knees.
“Brett!”, Eddy whispers trying to grab him by the shoulders, but Brett slaps his hands.
With his eyes swollen, for an instant he looks at a very confused Eddy who is shaking as well. He bites his lips, angry.
“Don’t touch me!”, he exclaims, and right after, he hugs him strongly. His arms are tangled to his back. He feels his body shaking. Eddy tries to hug him back, but Brett screams again. “No! Don't touch me!”, he cries, pulling him closer.
Eddy lets his arms fall down. He feels a smile growing on his lips. Brett...
“Ok”, he whispers letting himself being hugged by Brett, while he cries. “I won't touch you”, he adds letting his head fall on Brett's shoulder.
“And don't speak!”, Brett growls mad, and hugs him tighter. His voice sounds nasal from all the crying. “You are always speaking! Why don't you have something else to say this time?”, Brett whims, crying nonstop less.
A pause of silence. Brett crying.
“I’m sorry...”, Eddy whispers feeling his own tears falling down.
“Shhh!”, Brett demands. He cries and cries over Eddy's shoulder. Until he hears Eddy's crying as well. No, Eddy...
“Don’t cry, Eddy”, he whispers, making Eddy laugh.
“Same for you, dude!”, he says giggling, making tears fall even more faster.
“I’m sorry”, Brett whispers. “I’m sorry!”, he says with a louder voice.
“No!”, Eddy stops him, “I’m sorry, Brett”, he says with a shaky voice. He tries to scape from the hug, but Brett is not letting go.
“I’m sorry for not talking to you. I'm sorry for being such a child”, Eddy whims. “I’m too scared...”, he says with a raspy voice. He raises his arms to hug Brett. This time, he lets him touch him. “Everybody leaves”, Eddy whispers bitterly. “No one ever stays with me”, he adds, before starting to cry again.
It's true. First his parents. Then his sister. Now...me. I'm so sorry Eddy.
Brett tries to release the hug to look at Eddy's eyes, but now is Eddy the one who is not letting him go. He sinks his fingers on Eddy's back.
Well I guess it's easier like this.
“I’m not leaving you”, Brett says loud, taking a big breath. “Actually...I’m trying to reach you...”, he whispers. Eddy opens his eyes in surprise, his hands are shacking. He now tries to let go off Brett's arms.
But he doesn't let him.
“Wait! I won't be able to say this...if I also have to look in to your eyes while speaking...”, he admits embarrassed.
Eddy nods quietly and waits for Brett to talk. His words are warm. Eddy is not shaking anymore. He feels Brett's heartbeat. Almost at synchrony with hims. Loud and clear.
After a long instant, he takes breath and starts talking.
“It’s just...that I feel like music is some place far away. And you have open show me the path for me to get there”, he smiles at the memory of Eddy asking him to play with him with tears on his eyes. Since that day, maybe, Eddy filled all of his thoughts. At first, he thought he was absolutely annoying, and that was the cause of dreaming with him, or thinking about him constantly. How wrong he was. “But I also feel like I'm standing at the entrance, while you are waiting for me far away on this path. Too far for me to hear you", Eddy hugs him tighter. There's no room for air between them. Eddy feels far away from him too. He knows the feeling. He never thought Brett could feel the same way. "I don't want you to come down for me", Brett exclaims with a serious voice. He takes breath, and ads: "I want us to reach the same place and stay there...together. And walk together...", his voice lose strength at the end of the sentence. "I love music", he sentences, "And I love you. That has no question. I love you more than any other thing", he whispers feeling his cheeks burning. "I want us to be together...". He pauses to take breath. "But, only If you are willing to wait for me to get up there...", he whispers, sinking his head on Eddy's shoulder.
Eddy stays quiet for a long while. He caresses Brett's hair between his fingers, and runs his hand up and down on Brett's back softly.
"I won't wait", Eddy finally says, and Brett lets go of the hug immediately. A blurry image of Eddy is smiling at him.
I don't understand. His face screams confusion, and Eddy laughs a little while looking at it.
"I won't wait", Eddy repeats, as he dries the tears from Brett's eyes with his sleeve. He looks at him with his lips shaking in fear. He doesn't know what to say to those words. Fortunately, Eddy still has something to say.
"But I will be right here when you come back...", he says tenderly. Brett feels his heart beating again. "No matter where you, where I go. I want to be the place you call home". A tear runs down his cheek, but this one, tastes sweet.