"Who Is He?"

Part 13

"Is that all you've got to say?"

"Well, yeah," Lucas said, looking at me helplessly.

"I can't believe you haven't even mentioned John. I don't give a damn about Kelly, or even me at the moment," this was a lie, what he had just said was very important, but I didn't have the time to address it now. "I just want to know why you kept John's death a secret for so long, and why you never told me you were there or that you even knew these people. You're explanation had better be good, Lucas, or else for all I care, you and Kelly can piss out of here as quickly as you like."

"Don't be like that, Becky. I know you don't mean it, come on, I've just admitted to having feelings for you and you're completely rejecting me."

"Stop avoiding the subject, Lucas. I'm not going to acknowledge those feelings until you give me some kind of explanation." He sighed heavily and looked down, breaking our eye contact. It hurt me to know that our friendship was coming to an end; it had been everything to me since I was little. Lucas cared so much about me when nobody else did, but I couldn't let him get away with this. The only person in the world who I cared about more than Lucas was John - and I wasn't going to ignore that just because he was dead.

"But I don't have a good explanation. Neither I nor John told you about this gambling business because we knew you'd disapprove, but it was our way of socialising. And as for not telling you about Dave and everyone, if I'd have let on about knowing them, you'd want to know how. It was just easier not to tell you, I know that sounds bad."

"Yes it does sound bad Lucas, you're right." I said sharply. "But I don't care about that much at the moment, that's not the worse part. You were there when he died, Lucas. How could you have not told me that. I don't understand," My aggressiveness had gone, I now just felt like bursting into tears, and when Lucas looked up again, I could tell he was at that stage too. I wanted to hug him, like we had thousands of times before, but I also wanted to yell at him - I was determined  not to cave in, I was going to try and stand up for myself.

"There's not much I can say other than sorry. I was going to tell you once you'd started to get over his death. But I kept putting it off and trying to avoid it, and it just became easier not to tell you. I didn't know you were going to get involved with Scott and Dave."  

"You're in a relationship with Scott's sister, how was I not going to find out at some point? And if you were so determined to keep me away from all this, why did you invite me to that party?"

"I didn't know Dave was going to be there. Scott would have kept his mouth shut because he's so depressed about what happened. I can't believe I fooled you about not knowing who Scott and Dave were, I should have gone into acting." A small chuckle escaped his lips, though a tear was visible on his cheek. I gave him an unfriendly stare, in awe that he could joke when we were having a conversation like this.  "I'm sorry, that wasn't really appropriate was it?" I shook my head and he shut up.

"Didn't you know that John asked Dave to look after me? I definitely would have found out at some point when Dave decided to come and find me," I said and Lucas' face seemed to drop. "Well?" I prompted.

"Yes I did know, he asked me to as well though. I have always been jealous that he asked Dave to as well, I wanted you all to myself."

"But you were going to leave me and move away?" I asked, being both touched and confused simultaneously.

"Yeah, I'm so sorry. Kelly was just so eager to, and I figured that if I left, if you found out, I wouldn't be around to have to explain myself. Can you appreciate how honest I'm being here, Becky? I'm trying to make things right, I really am, I know I've screwed everything up," he shuffled towards me so that we were sitting side by side, but I refused to look at him, I stayed staring into the space where he had previously been sitting. This was until he held the side of my face with his warm hands and forced my head to turn so that I was looking at his worried, but still handsome face. "I just want you, that's all I want. I know it would take a while to get my trust back, but you mean so much to me. And I know I mean a lot to you, or else you wouldn't have kissed me back earlier."