Love Won't Last Forever (Sequel to FWLF)

Chapter 19

Chapter 19

 

It’s been a week since my night where I was physically and mentally scarred for life. I’ve literally avoided contact with Vic completely. At first I was simply saying that I wasn’t feeling good and didn’t want him to get sick. After a few days, Vic insisted that I seemed fine and he was okay with catching whatever I had. So I switched my lie to saying that I want us to take things slow like that Mike had suggested, to which he said that Mike wasn’t in this relationship and Vic was the older brother anyways. I’m guessing it is a bit hard to go from having a very affectionate relationship to not even cuddling at night. I am slowly getting back to normal. Like I can kiss Vic now, but only if I am the one who begins it. And I can hold Vic’s hand as well, that I’m completely okay with. The only thing im not okay with is when he tries to take things farther. He’s been very patient with me, but I can see it’s running thin. Like this morning for instance, when he wakes up he would usually try kissing me and cuddling me close to him, but today he just smiled at me in bed and we talked.

I’ve been feeling a lot of anxiety for different reasons. Of course the whole problem that started it, but I’m trying to forget about that night. I’m nervous about being around not only Vic, but the guys. I have absolutely nothing to worry about with the guys but when they go to give me a hug or high five me or even punch my arm, I flinch. The guys I think are clueless, but Vic is watching me like a hawk that’s going to tear me limb from limb or something. So I try to act more normal so he doesn’t get suspicious which only makes me freak out more because instead of focusing on being casual, im focusing on not freaking out and running out of there.

After we went out for drinks the one night, I almost spilled what happened to Vic. I was so nervous about being in public that I nearly had a panic attack and started crying. I didn’t get drunk, hell I only had 1 beer before I started trying to convince the guys we should leave. Of course they said no so I just out in the back of the club avoiding any form of contact with people. The guys were too out of their minds to realize I was being anti-social so they didn’t ask questions. And then when we got home Vic tried to get with me but I continuously refused. He didn’t get that upset though; he just kinda passed out, which was fine for me.

“Hey Kells, you alright?” Vic asked me, again, for the third time this afternoon.

“Yeah I’m good” I replied with a nod

“You sure? You’ve been zoning out into your own little world for the past week. You sure nothings bothering you?” he asked me and placed his hand on my knee. I tensed up and shut my eyes tightly, in attempt to calm myself down. Its only Vic, just Vic. I opened my eyes and looked at him with a small smile.

“I’m good” I said and then leaned forward to peck his lips. He didn’t deny the kiss, but seemed pretty upset I wasn’t telling him what was up. I just need a little bit more time, and then everything will be back to normal. He shrugged it off before he tuned back into what Tony and Jaime where talking about. Mike was staring at me and he seemed a bit angry, but also confused. I didn’t want to deal with his odd expressions and Vic’s interrogating questions, so I stood up and left. I know Vic would only want to talk again later about this, but I’ll think of a new lie. Is it a bad thing that I’m getting used to lying to Vic?  I think so…

I sighed as I stepped outside of the 2 story building. I was able to go in public now, mostly. I just don’t like going far alone. But right now I kinda needed the space, I’ll simply text Vic to come get me when I’m done walking alone. I turned on my heels slowly and left the place, walking at a leisure pace. I was taking in my surroundings and enjoying the afternoon air. It wasn’t as crisp as the morning air, but it still felt nice pressed against my skin. I found myself walking down near a park, it was an odd place to put a park though, it was at the end of the street which had only 3 houses on it, and no kids where outside on it. I shrugged and walked towards it, only to find there was a pathway leading to a small duck pond. The pond was nice, the air was a bit cooler and felt a bit fresher, there was the quiet noise of water running and every now and then you would hear a duck quacking at something, probably me. I sat down on a bench and took in a nice deep sigh. It was relaxing, nice, calming, and just overall perfect, to get away from home every once in a while.