if without you || seongjoong

though pebbles were thrown

when seonghwa was back, his fried rice was already sogged in oil.

it was a very unpleasant view; and their tea were surrounded by ants, so seonghwa called for room service to clean it up.

as the bell boy cleaned his plates, seonghwa packed their belongings.

most of their things went to the suitcase, but hongjoong's laptop and headphones  were tucked safely inside the backpack's flaps.

the bell boy excused himself and left. seonghwa then decided to take a shower, to cleanse himself from the smell of the hospital.

minutes later, he changed his clothes and packed all of his toiletries. seonghwa packed some clothes and toiletries for hongjoong in the backpack.

he went back to the hospital shortly after he make sure that there was nothing left to do except for checking out from the hotel.

he could feel eyes staring at him, mouth whispering questions and speculations around him.

but he didn't care, at least for now. he went to the lift and went to hongjoong's room.

he took off his mask. and there he was, the person he loved the most, lying weakly in front of him.

and seonghwa's stomach curled again.

as if he was riding a stupid rollercoaster all by himself.

he knew he was much more stronger physically than hongjoong.

but he knew he had leaned so much on hongjoong. as if hongjoong was his energy supplier.

as if hongjoong gave him all his strength to seonghwa.

seonghwa sat on the chair, the bag slided freely from his back.

he took hongjoong's hand in his.

it was very cold.

and hongjoong hated cold. he would be the last person to leave the house in this world when snow falls.

seonghwa hugged hongjoong's hand with his  hands, sending warmth to his boyfriend.

and as if seonghwa pleaded to stop this hell of a rollercoaster he was riding, he cried.

tears left his eyes, shoulders stuttering.

he felt sorry, he felt disgusted by his own actions, he felt like a coward–

why did hongjoong has to suffer like this?

seonghwa felt useless. he tighten his grip around hongjoong's hand, as if he didn't want hongjoong to go, even if he knew that hongjoong was just sleeping.

he felt hongjoong's hand trembled in his hands.

he shrugged it off, stopping his own cries because he thought he was the one who trembled too much that hongjoong's hands trembled too.

he opened his eyes, widening it slowly as the light intruded his eyes.

and then, another movement from hongjoong's hand.

but seongwha wasn't moving.

"joongie?" he asked thinly, voice stuttered because of his cries.

hongjoong didn't answer him, but his hand held seonghwa's.

seongwha stood from his seat, checking for hongjoong.

he saw the pair of eyes bloomed slowly. hongjoong's stares were weak. he stared at the ceiling for a while.

seonghwa whispered another call. "hongjoong?"

and hongjoong moved his head slowly towards the voice.