if without you || seongjoong

even if we're apart

seonghwa couldn't breathe.

his heart felt like there were chains around it, pressing his as tight as it could.

leave

and don't come back

those chains of words clenched around his heart.

seonghwa never intended to say it. the wish that he said earlier, he didn't mean it that way.

he just wished that they didn't meet that day, so that none of this mess happened.

there's no way seonghwa blamed hongjoong for those things.

seonghwa finally let a breath left his throat, giving him a short time to calm down. once he got off from the taxi, he could see his apartment building was surrounded by reporters and cameras and everything in between from the gate.

and there was yunho, waiting him at the gate patiently. well there were some men beside him, but seonghwa didn't think about it too much.

yunho reached for seonghwa as he hugged the older tightly. everything was fine, until the taxi honked.

fuck.

the cameras turned at his direction and the taxi left immediately. yunho made a sudden move as he called on something.

"go!" he yelled to the air, so loud that seonghwa's ears were ringing.

the muscly men surrounded him instantly. they and yunho formed a circle around seonghwa, protecting him.

it's kind of funny though, how serious it was and how weird it looked. but seonghwa thanked yunho deeply.

"move away! this is a private property!" yunho shouted loudly as they moved-or rotating-to the entrance.

yunho pushed away people and cameras, basically giving zero fuck at who was he against with. seonghwa in the middle of the circle, closed his eyes shut.

it was all too familiar for him. these were the things that made hongjoong snapped his head and kicked seonghwa away.

it took some minutes for them to made it to the lobby, the part where the reporters couldn't come in. the circle untied, yunho thanked the big muscly men.

"dinner's on me!" yunho excitedly said.

the men left with seonghwa and yunho as they parted away to the elevator. yunho suddenly went silent when they were inside the elevator. it was awkward and awfully weird. yunho was never silent. he's loud. like always loud.

but seonghwa too, he didn't know what to say to the younger. not even a thankyou. because no words could show how thankful he was for yunho.

or maybe he was just afraid to say something, traumatized after his incident with hongjoong.

when they reached their level, seonghwa thought yunho would finally say something and left him. but yunho held his hands, guided seonghwa to yunho's unit. he lushed the bell and the door opened. mingi peeked from the gap and smile right away.

it was so warm. yunho invited seonghwa to come inside, and then brought him to their dining table.

a seeweed soup brought seonghwa's attention. even if there were other korean delicacies there, seonghwa was focused on the soup. he stared at how glistening the soup was. he took a breath and letting the fresh soup scent filled his lungs.

and it's like mingi had known, he poured some of it to a bowl and gave it to seonghwa. seonghwa stared at mingi, as if he was hesitating. but mingi smiled again and seonghwa finally took a spoonful of it.

and oh god, how he had missed these flavors danced on his tongue.

he took another spoonful, onto his mouth it go. mingi offered him a plate of freshly made kimbab. yunho took a piece and put it at mingi's plate, and then seonghwa's, and then his own mouth. they eat silently but everyone's happy. everyone's enjoying the food.

"try this, it was a little salty for me, but yunho said you liked this too, so he insisted to make this by himself," mingi said as he pushed a plate of tteokpokki towards seonghwa.

"hey, i tried my best!" yunho finally said.

"try it hyung!"

seonghwa took a bite. and mingi was wrong. it wasn't a little salty.

it was too salty.

seonghwa tried to conceal the funny taste on his tongue, but he failed. "see!" mingi laughed in victory. as if they were betting on seonghwa's reaction.

seonghwa scoffed at their childish actions. their laughter brought warmth and a spark of joy to seonghwa. he continued eating with two men in front of him bickering.

but it was okay. no matter how annoying mingi's face when he insulted yunho, no matter how annoying yunho's victorious laugh, seonghwa was happy.

at least for now, he was happy.

they spent the night playing computer games. swearing here and there, shouting at each other until they were breathless.

none of them noticed how the clock move. it was already 8 p.m.

"guys, i am going home. thanks for the food, though," seonghwa lifted himself from the chair after his defeat.

"hyung, one more please-owch!" yunho stopped when mingi pinched him.

"sure thing, hyung," mingi smiled to seonghwa.

he put on his shoes. "thanks for the food, the games, and everything," seonghwa said.

as he turned his heels, yunho replied him.

"we're just right next door, hyung,"

and seonghwa smiled at them. he knew what was yunho trying to say.

he entered his room, dry air attacking his lungs. he turned on the lights and the air conditioner. he went straight to his bedroom, lifting his shirt as he wanted to change it. but it was somehow clogged in between seonghwa's chin.

his necklace.

seonghwa stared at it as if he was waiting what it could do next. as if he could turn things back before the day media blew up.

he took his eyes away from the necklace, because it was way too painful, too heavy, and too hard for him to let his brain recalling the memories of him and hongjoong.

he put his dirty laundry to the laundry bag. he walked weakly to his store room, looking for a friend.

boxes of soju.

hongjoong knew that seonghwa had problems with drinking, but seonghwa claimed that he was clean.

he was clean.

but he needed these. something to kill the pain inside his heart. something to pour all of his tears that had been weighting him.

something to help him to fill the empty spot in his heart.

something to help him forget hongjoong.

i hate how this turned but i've tried to re-write it and this was the best outcome i could possibly write
sorry bout that:/