Only to Feel This Fully [Completed]

Ch. 18: Make Me Feel

A routine set in over those next few weeks. Our shifts at the bookshop coincided on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays. The rest of the school week was difficult for us to see each other, between differing practice schedules and other obligations. Still, five hours twice during the week plus a few more hours of getting food and fooling around in Theo's car afterward kept us satiated until the weekend.

The first weekend of February was much more PG than the final weekend of January. That Saturday was spent at Brewer Books and then back at Theo's for the night. There had been murmurings of a Pine Wood High party going on that night, but neither I nor Theo were that inclined to go. Apparently, the news that I didn't want to spend the night drinking came as a surprise to Patrick and Eva. They probably would've rather stayed in too, but they had to wing for Julia, who would be meeting up with Tate at the party. Under normal circumstances, the event would have drawn my interest, but that night it served merely as a distraction.

Mr. and Mrs. Broussard coaxed us out of Theo's room, where we had been cuddling and nothing more, wanting to spend some time with the two of us. Theo attempted to convince his father that we had not been doing much, but the elder Broussard continued to throw a vexing glare in my direction as his wife led our quartet into their living room. Mrs. Broussard had decided to have a "family movie night plus one" and also insisted on selecting a gay film, much to her son's embarassment. She chose God's Own Country, which no one had seen previously.

The movie started and the whole scene was almost like a Rockwell painting, Mr. and Mrs. Broussard together on their couch, with Theo and I squeezed into the reclining chair to their right, with a blanket covering both of us. I had been hesitant to show even the slightest hint of public affection in front of my boyfriend's parents, but I relaxed into Theo as the Netflix sound played preceding the movie.

That lasted mere seconds before the film's opening scene, a dark but loud one-off sexual encounter, brought me and the Broussards into a level of tension far exceeding previous levels. Things remained this way as the movie progressed. Mrs. Broussard attempted a running commentary that focused on the themes and artistic choices expressed in the film, in a vain attempt at distraction. Nothing could distract from a few of the more graphic scenes.

Mr. Broussard was visibly stewing. Theo's parents called it a night after Johnny and Gheorghe's first pastoral encounter. Theo and I watched the film through the end, but the experience had been such that I elected to go home and sleep in my own bed that night. Mom remarked she was surprised to see me home, as I had told her I was going to the party with my friends. I explained that the party was a let-down and I walked home from Patrick's. I'd been careful to obfuscate just how much time I had been spending with Theo.

The next afternoon, after I'd gotten back from church with my mother, Eva texted me to inform me that she'd organized a double date for her, Patrick, Theo and myself. The four of us would be going to the movies, to see a romantic film that was in contention for awards or something. We went to one of the more out of the way movie theaters, but still, we saw a junior from St. Sebastian working the concession stand. He remarked on how awkward it must be for Theo and me to be tagging along for the couple's date and gave me a curious look when I paid for Theo's cookie dough bites.

After the movie, our quartet met up with Julia and Tate. We found the two on some benches near a crick, with the latter smoking. Tate had thus far been a bit of corrupting influence on Julia, but on balance I thought it was a good thing. The couple were just about to light their second joint when the four of us showed up. I was surprised to see Julia smoking anything. I had to force myself not to initiate body contact with Theo in front of Tate and I flinched when he put his arm around my shoulder. The expression on his face looked broken, despite his best attempts to mask it. I pondered this for a moment, weighing what to do, but Tate interrupted my stream of consciousness.