I don't want you

Panic at the fannings

THIS IS MY FAVOURITE CHAPETER GUYS!!! DONT LET IT FLOPPP!!!
My life is not thriving rn🥺 
Love you guys 💕💕✨🤧😋

"Good morning bug," Dakota said. Obviously I wasn't gonna get up, I mean it was Friday morning and I had a ped. Day!
She then threw a pillow at my head. "Get up! Or I'm gonna tickle you."

"Okay, okay. I'm up!" I told her.

"Haha! I win."
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"Guys, I made pancakes, just the way you like them Elle." Angelina said while putting the last pancake on the plate. Me and Dakota sat in front of Angelina. As much as loved pancakes, I really wasn't hungry. So I just fiddled with it.

"You must eat, Elle. And you gotta stop putting so much pressure on yourself."

All of a sudden, my breath was getting much faster by the second. My hands were getting too sweaty to hold my fork.

Angelina's POV
"What's wrong? Are you okay?" "Elle, what's wrong? You're scaring me." "Elle, talk to me." I dropped my fork and moved to the chair that was next to her. This couldn't be happening again. "What's wrong?"

"I- I- I"

"Okay, okay, okay, it's okay," I told her. I grabbed her right hand and hugged her with my left arm. All she kept doing was breathing terribly fast. "I'm right here, okay? It's okay." "Shhh it's okay." "It's okay."

"I can't breathe."

"It's okay. Hey. I'm right here. It's okay."

"Elle, listen to my voice. You're just in the kitchen, okay? You're safe. I'm right here. Dakota is right next to you. Nothing bad is going to happen to you or me or anyone. Match my breathing." Elle tried to do as instructed, but i could see her struggling and she just couldn't do it. 

"Angelica!!! I'm gonna d-d-d-die he-ere," she managed to get out in between her gasping sobs. 

"No." I shook my head. "You're gonna be okay. You're much stronger than that. Find my breathing. Match my breathing. You can do it." I took both of Elle's hands and placed them on both of her shoulders. I turned to face the shaking girl, hoping to ground her.  Elle tried harder, her face nearly blue, and after a few minutes, her breathing was becoming less frantic. 

All of a sudden, Elle starting gagging and I couldn't understand what exactly was going on.

"Elle, honey you need to try and breath." Elle just kept gagging more and more, she just kept shaking her head and moaning in pain.

"Come on sweetie, let's go to the bathroom."

"N- n- no!!!" Elle said vigorously shaking her head and trembling. She couldn't hold the glass of water that Dakota had handed her without the water spilling out. Elle got up from her seat and started pulling at her hair. She had hot tears falling from her eyes.

"Elle."

"Stay the hell away from me! Don't! Let go! No! - Stop! -

"It's okay."

"Stop. Let go! Let go of me!!! Stop! Let go!"

"It's just me. Elle, it's just Dakota. It's gonna be okay."

"It's not gonna be okay! It's always gonna be a mess!

"What? What's gonna be a mess?"

"My life. My whole fucking life! Every day I wake up and feel like I wanna die! It's ridiculous! I'm completely tired. I'd rather be dead!! Don't you you understand? I'm not happy. I'm not happy with my body I'm not happy with myself, my mind, my stupid mind that's completely fucked up. I'm not happy with my life, everything. I hate myself!" Elle ran up to her room and we heard the door slam.

An hour or two later Elle awoke to find herself curled up on the lap of her aunt. Elle noticed she was also asleep. Slowly standing, Elle looked around herself.

I knew this would happen. They no longer love me. No one loves me. I am a freak!

I opened up all the drawers until I found what I was looking for, I pulled out a small knife. Lowering myself down on the floor, I closed my eyes and pressed the knife hard against my pale skin.

As I drug the knife across my wrist a sting made my breath hitch in my throat. Tears welled up in my eyes as I watched a trickle of blood appear and roll down my arm. Biting my lip, she added another red line. And then another. And another.

I don't want to be alive anymore! I hate this! I hate myself!

Pressing the knife against my skin again, I left out a cry as I drug it across. Blood rolled down my arm and dripped on the floor.

Just as I was about to add another line to my arm, a pair of arms grabbed me, "Elle!"

Everything went black.

When I finally awoke I found myself laying on a bed in the Infirmary. Feeling a sting as I tried to move, I looked down at my arm. My arm was all bandaged up with white gauze.

Sighing, I dropped against the pillow on my back.

Feeling hopeless and angry, I closed my eyes to hold back the tears of frustration.

Why am I still alive?

Whispered voices caught my attention and I strained to listen in.

"A nurse is coming to evaluate her." Angelina told whoever was talking to her.

Elle bit her lip as she held in a cry.

"No you cannot keep her here. I can take care of her! I'll proof the house! I promise!" Dakota replied back to her.

"This is not up for discussion, Dakota. I am sorry. She needs to be here for at least a few days and when they decide she can be released she will be. But before she gets released we need to proof the house just like you said."