I don't want you

Do not say that

A week later

Elle? What are you doing home?" She asks. I stare at her and then I run up the stairs. I run into the bathroom and lock the door.

"Elle? Elle? Why are you home early? Where is your bag?" She knocks on the door. I just want to shrivel up and die. I just want to curl up into a ball and shrink into nothingness. I feel like nothing. I want to... just die. I know what I should do. I jump up quickly. "Elle. Let me in" Dakota is pounding on the door now. I rush to the drawers. I rummage through them looking for my best friend. No luck. I move to the next drawer as I hear her banging even harder on the door. "Elle! OPEN UP! WHATS GOING ON IN THERE?" She is going to knock the door down. I finally find my sharp friend in the bottom drawer. I can end it. It can all go away. I let my friend do what he's made for. I guide my friend down a long path. My friend travels across the pale desert I call skin. I cut my wrists. I feel nothing. I'm numb. It feels so good. Warm blood drips on the floor next to me.

"Elle!? Elle please, open the fucking door!!" Dakota's frantic screams filled up my ears. I didn't want to let her in. I didn't want her to know what I was up to but I guess I hadn't been so subtle. "Ok I'm getting a bobby pin and unlocking this door!"

After a few seconds later the door opened and a terrified Dakota rushed through the door.

"Oh my god Elle! What happened?!" And all I could do was let myself cry in her arms. "Baby please talk to me." I tried to let out a word but all that came out was the sound of someone being choked.
I see tears rolling down her cheeks as she grabs my arm.
"This is madness Elle."
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"Kota...they hurt." She says.

"Well baby why did you do it if it hurts?" She looks into my eyes.

"Because I thought I'd be dead and it wouldn't hurt anymore." I say.

"Oh...no no no baby..."

"Dakota... I just wanna die."

"Elle please don't say that again. You know it worries me. Where is this even coming from?"