I don't want you

My humming bird

I wake up slowly on my side, facing the door of my bedroom. My phone sits beside me, and I grab it to look at the time.6:00I have just enough time to get ready for work. I roll over on my back and rub my sleepy eyes. I open them again, looking up at the ceiling, but something fills my peripheral vision.I look over to find a body laying beside me. Lana.We must have fallen asleep last night or something.Her back faces me and her hair falls perfectly onto the pillow, like she didn't move at all. Her arm rests on her side, and I know she is still completely asleep.I suddenly feel my stomach churn for the millionth time. How do I wake her up? I take my hand and lightly touch the bare part of her arm, hoping that just a little push of my finger would wake her. But it doesn't. I place my whole hand onto her arm and squeeze it gently. Nothing. I lean over and whisper in her ear. "Dakota."

Silence.

"Dakota." I sing her name with my hand still resting on her arm. Still absolutely nothing.

"K. Yo! Bro!" Still nothing. I slowly get up off of the bed, trying careful not to move it too much. I go over to my closet and grab some clothes, panties, and a bra before heading to the bathroom to take a shower. I turn the water on as hot as it will go, and step in as soon as all of my clothes are off. It wakes me up pretty well and soon I'm in my clothes. Awhite blouse covers my top half and it hangs loosely from my body. My blue jeans feel way to tight, but they will have to do because I'm too lazy to change. I brush my teeth quickly and put on just a little makeup. I walk back to my bedroom, and look to see if Lana is awake yet. She's still asleep, but is facing towards the door now. I stare at her for a moment, trying to decide how to wake her up. She looks so peaceful in her sleep. Her green t-shirt is twisted and rides up a lot, revealing her belly button. I walk out of the bedroom and grab my phone out of the bathroom where I had left it. I really need to go out and take pictures today. And outside is the perfect place for inspiration. As I'm about to go out. I suddenly get a little nervous and my head starts to spin.

I fall to the ground after what seems like ages of standing on my feet. It gets harder and harder to breathe and I just want it to end. My teeth are clenching so hard that it hurts. I can't talk. I pry my mouth open and scream as loud as I possibly can. Hoping maybe that would help, but it doesn't. I look up and Dakota is standing over me with tears in her eyes, and her hands over her mouth. I know she had never seen me have a panic attack before. My teeth clench again, and suddenly everything seems a little more relax. I take the biggest breath ever, taking in all of the oxygen I can into my lungs. My head falls into my hands, and I just sit there. I'm embarrassed. This is embarrassing. Lana is my sister and she just saw me have a panic attack and I don't usually talk to her about my problems so for her seeing that... just made me feel like an absolute balony head.

"Is it over?" Dakota's voice cracks, and I can tell she's scared to say anything. I don't say a word. I just nod with my head still in my hands.  Lifting it up and looking at her, she just stares at me, not knowing what to do. I lift up the back of my hand, allowing her to touch it and know for sure that it's over.

"Are you sure?" Her voice cracks again. I nod.  Immediately, when she makes contact and can tell it's over, she grabs my hand as tight as she can, pulling me up off of the ground and engulfing me in a hug.

"I'm sorry I woke you up. It just came over me. I tried to stay quiet but I couldn't stop."

It's okay don't worry about me. Are you sure you're alright? I don't wanna trigger anything. What even happened?"

" I don't even know what happened. Something just came over me. I was just heading out to go take some pictures and my head started spinning. I don't know what's wrong with me." Elle said. She had tears threatening to fall. This was weird because I had never seen her in such a state.

"Are you sure you didn't get nervous because maybe I was still asleep and not with you?"

"Yeah maybe. Well now I'm better because you're here."