I don't want you

Woah

The minute Angelina left to go back to bed, Elle opened her eyes.
Why? Why am I even alive? Elle thought.

Tears trickled down Elle's face, falling down to the floor and completely freezing it. She didn't know why she was crying. A part of her was hurting, while the other part was numb. Empty.

For some reason she wanted to feel pain. Liking the idea of hurting Elle grabbed her left arm with her right hand and dug her nails into the flesh.

I need this. I deserve this. I am a monster after all. This is my punishment. I keep hurting people. Again and again.

Blood started running down her arm. Elle winced in pain as her nails broke through the skin, but smiled in pleasure at the same time. Happy that she has accomplished something. Her face turned to the right and she froze at the sight of her reflection in the mirror. Why had she been smiling like that? No! This is wrong! Elle turned away from the mirror and looked at her arm again. There were blood trails running down her arm. The bleeding had already stopped since she didn't go that deep, but Elle stood up otherwise and headed to the bathroom. She cleaned her arm and patched up the wounds so they would heal faster.

Back in her bedroom Elle let herself fall onto the bed. Why am I still feeling this way? Elle clutched her covers. She shut her eyes as her body shook. Why am I feeling so helpless? I want it to stop. Why can't it stop? Elle opened her mouth and tried to breath. She felt like she wasn't getting enough oxygen into her lungs. Why am I still in pain? Elle hadn't noticed that she was crying, staining her pillow. And so it was another night of crying herself to sleep.

Later on that night
But there was still a weird feeling lingering in her heart. Elle couldn't get rid of it no matter what she did. The only thing she could think of was hurting herself.

She slid down the wall and cried. Elle cried because she was all alone in this world. No one cared. She felt lonely and helpless. She felt pain. She felt empty.

Elle pulled her knees up and hugged herself. She definitely needed a hug. Then came a point where she couldn't take it anymore and suddenly she had a razor in her hand. She stared at it for a moment, tears leaking out her eyes and pressed it against her arm. Elle winced as she felt the cold metal pierce her skin, but smiled in satisfaction. She slid it down her arm and blood leaked out of the cut. For a moment she enjoyed the sensation, but was disappointed when it disappeared again. She needed it. Her heart constricted in pain and she let out short breaths, trying to stop her trembling form. She couldn't handle the pain. Elle pressed the razor down on her arm again and again. She couldn't stop it. It was already too late to stop.

Elle knew that she was coping the wrong way. But what could she do? She wasn't supposed to feel and she didn't know any better. Better feel physical pain instead of emotional pain. Who cared anyway? It was only her. Her loneliness, her pain, her suffering. She had to deal with everything on her own. That's how it had always been.

For now I don't have a specific time that I'm gonna upload chapters so I'll just post whenever I post. Unless y'all have suggestions as to when I should upload?