I don't want you

Promise me

Neither of us say anything when I lay next to her. Feeling a bit more spontaneous than usual, I lay on my side and wrap my arm around the front of her waist, then hide my face in her neck. 

"Elle?" I mumble out. 

"Yes?" she replies in a soft, tired tone. 

"Can I ask you something a bit... personal?" 

"Go for it."

"Do you... do you, um, self harm?" 

It's silent for a moment, until she takes a deep breath and says,

"I'm sorry, Angelina." 

"Elle, please stop." 

"I did for a while, when I started auditioning for Maleficent. But then it started  started to get worse... I just... I'm sorry." She sighs. Instead of letting her go, I just hold her tighter and kiss her neck. 

"You can do this, Elle. Cutting isn't helping anything." 

"You don't understand, Angelina."

"No, I don't. But you can help me see through your eyes." I sit up and bring her with me so that we're facing each other. I watch her face as she watches her hands fiddle with a piece of grass.

"Close your eyes and picture yourself in front of a mirror. What do you see?" She bites her bottom lip, sits up, then closes her eyes. She gulps nervously so I grab both her hands and squeeze them. 

"I see... I see someone I hate. I don't... I don't like what I see, I don't like her." 

"Why not? What do you not like about her?" 

"Her appearance, her personality. I hate everything about her. She's worthless, ugly, annoying, pathetic, fat. She's a disappointment, i'm not the only one who hates her." I try to ignore the knives in my heart and push through. 

"Who hates her?"

"Everyone. Her parents, her sister, her classmates. Nobody likes her. She's a waste of space and air. She doesn't deserve to have a life. She deserves to suffer and be hurt." 

"Okay, that's enough. What do you like about the girl in front of you?"  She doesn't say anything but she doesn't open her eyes.

"I like her hair." 

"Is that it?" 

"Yes." 

"Okay, now picture that girl as someone else. Picture your sister in front of you. Would you say the same thing? Would you tell her that she's worthless, and a waste of space?" 

"Of course not. Dakota's everything special and I love her with all my heart. I wouldn't say anything like that to her." 

"Exactly, so why would you say that to yourself?" 

"Because I deserve it." 

"Elle, imagine that your body is your own baby. You wouldn't hurt your baby, would you? You wouldn't cut them, you wouldn't spit insults at them. your body is your baby, so you need to take care of it." I'm still staring at her as she takes a deep breath, processing my words. finally, her beautiful brown eyes meet mine. 

"Okay." 

"Okay what?" 

"I'll try to stop cutting." I feel my face light up. 

"Really?"

"Yes, only for you."  "

"Promise me." She sticks out her pinky and links it with mine.

"Also promise me that you'll get rid of your blade or whatever you're using? That you'll try to get better?" 

"Angelina..." 

"Please?" I pleadingly stare into her sad eyes, pouting. She sighs and nods. I smile before wrapping my arms around her.

"Fine," she huffed.

"Good. Now I'm just gonna go do some paperwork, I'll be back."

This book is gonna get deep...
Also I'm going through some rough emotional stuff so my updates might be like a day late or sum...
Love sockiana 💕